one step at a time...

I've been home almost exactly 2 weeks. I haven't done much these last two weeks. I took them off! For awhile I had bad jet lag...a coupla times I'd wake up tired after getting a nice amount of sleep, than a number of evenings I'd be really tired at like 6/7/8...weird... I think I'm over or at least mostly over jet lag.

My plan at this point is to start substitute teaching again, hmmm....
I have a job on Wed. and Fri. Friday I'll be an Art teacher at the "Rhino" school. That's the school's mascot. The ages there are kindergarten to 5th...and the lunches are really wimpy...anyways. I'm looking forward to that:) teaching Art...last time I taught Art I was teaching it at the Refugee camp.

My dream/goal is to study Art/Art Education in college...Where and when and how I don't know:)

I'm probably going to pick up an Oil painting class that happens on Wednesdays! That will be fun! I've never had any training in oil painting cept when I painted a pic and my grandma sat through the whole thing and she'd coach me along. It came out better cause she was there:)

Sometime this week I want to take the Art work the kids did to CFI. Some of the stuff they did was excellent!

I was hit by emotion last night when I was thinking about people I left back in Thailand...plus I had Nat King Cole goin' in the back ground.... it was rough...

This weekend I helped my youth leader and her family move. And so did ALOT of people. Before I left she and some of us prayed that they'd be able to move to B___ (not my town)...before I left when we prayed, it was like it was impossible. When I came back I heard there was a house they were looking at...and then they moved...Guess it wasn't impossible huh:)

It's a sweet house. About 150 years old, a log cabin...there daughter prayed since she was 2 that God would give them a house with a fireplace...they got one... at the house they'll be able to have a dog too. They have ALOT of land! It's such a beautiful area. They are renting, but they were renting before and now they are only like 4 mins. from church instead of 30mins. BIG answer to prayer for their family. Yeah!

Marie's movie reviews:

An Affair to Remember-Don't be mislead by the title, there's nothing adulterous about it:) It's about 2 people engaged to other people and they fall in love with each other instead, oops. It's one of those good wholesome love stories... if you're the right person it will be a tear jerker or a lump in the throat maker:) It's an oldie with Cary Grant in it. I think I can say I'd recommend it:)

A Night with the King-Queen Esther's story brought to the BIG screen. We went and saw it...and enjoyed it. The costumes are beautiful... influenced by India. If's fun cause it's a story about a girl close to my age from a "normal" everyday back ground that is chosen and fallen for by a king. It's a sweet story...and they also talk about God in it. She is a Jewish girl and her upbringing comes out in who she is...a good story:) I'd recommend it.

It's kinda weird cause 2 weeks ago I was in Tropical weather now we're in Autumn...and sometimes it's COLD out there and cold in HERE!

If you want to pray for me pray that I'll have more of a spiritual perspective while subbing... that I can make a difference in some of these kids lives...that I'm not just killing time but I can be an influence...that there is a spiritual dimension to every body and to every job I have...even though I may not love it or like them:)

And pray that I will follow my dream, my goal to study Art/Art Education...and that I'll be guided however God wants to guide me...maybe I won't study Art the way I think I will...one step at a time right?

Back to normal?

I wrote this Oct. 18...enjoy

ahhh, feel kinda yucky. I'm back from Thailand. Got home Monday...had to think about which day I came in a bit. Went to bed Monday night late, 3ish maybe and slept in till 7 the next day. Well 7 pm, without hardly waking up! When I woke up I thought it was morning! For real. Went to bed last night like close to 5 am. Got up when it was still day today like 1:30...I'm improving with my sleep cycle.

It's weird being back. Thailand was my life for 3 months. Those students at the school were my life. It was hard to say goodbye to them. I've cried a number of times since....

Now it's like what's next. It's weird being back in American culture. I came home and the house felt small and it was like we have so many things. The school I was at had like 12 foot ceilings and there wasn't tons of extra stuff there.

The students were like refugees...they don't own alot. I also went to one of the Refugee camps 3 times. They live in bamboo huts. There's almost no furniture, well ok maybe one chair or one table in the differnt families homes. Makes me think, "What is important?" Haven't figured it out yet.

Hmmm....kinda confusing. I felt really good over there alot. Some of the best time of my life. But there were times where it was really hard. Moreso at the beginning. Alot of americans came through which was a huge help and blessing. Otherwise I was the only English as a first (and only language) person at the school.

The school was surrounded by Rice paddies on the edge of Thailand about one mile from Burma. The kids are from the Karen and Karenni nations. They are people that the Burmese milatary has been fighting since WWII. It's an internal civil war that tons of people don't know about. I think alot of the fighting, killing raping, razing of villages happens more in the jungles, away from cities.

Some of the kids lost parents because of this war. A coupla sisters, Moo Nay Paw and P'zaw Paw's parents were killed by the Burmese Milatary. Moo Nay Paw and P'zaw Paw or Andrew and Joy are beautiful young woman. Ahhh, they make me smile as I think of them.

so I have to figure things out to an extent...where do I fit into this life. I want to make my life count and not just stay in one place treading water.

I am dealing with jet lag, new culture, new weather. Thailand is like a tropical climate.... 3 months of humidity and heat...thins the blood. I was shivering at the Ca. airport from the AC. I was COLD....

I like to write alot. I also keep a journal. I have many journals...even one filled up Thailand journal and another that I started over there, volume II.

My brother just called from Tx. He told me to take a walk. He said inactivity weakens the spirit...ok...hmmm....I agree with him I would benefit from a walk:)....

oh I am sluggish today.....adjusting......pray for my adjusting to "normal life." I wonder if eventually I'll just fall back into normalancy...I want to be changed..... I think deep inside I'll have changes.

I do love 31 kids in Thailand. They may not belong to any country but they have a place, in my heart.

"It's time to say good bye."

This is my last post in Thailand:(... I fly out tomorrow morning, Oct. 13th at like 6:45 am. My flight is 25:07. Twenty-five hours and seven mins. Yikes! I have a lay over in Japan and one in Ca. I leave Thailand on Monday and get to the US on MOnday. I loose a day going back.

Right now I'm at the Dynasty hotel in Bangkok. Day-Day came with me cause I'm bringing with me a BIG bag and a big box for the org. back home. The big bag is very BIG. The height hits a little below my waist. So Day Day needed to be here to help me with that:)

I said good bye to the kids on Friday. It was very hard. Andrew said it's so hard to say good bye because we are made for eternity. Like we were made for relationship and for them to last forever.

It was weird cause some of the kids I'm closet to I didn't cry saying bye to but some I wasn't so close to I did...

When I was saying goodbye to Joy my head was right next to her head my ear right next to heres...she started singing, "It's time to say goodbye...." which made me cry, but it was very special.... It was like she the youth was comforting me the "grown up." It was very special...I know I said that already, but it was. I love her so much. I gave alot of love to these kids but they also gave me alot too.

When were were taking the truck-bus back to Mae Sot after saying good bye.... I cried many times.... While I was sitting there quietly it'd hit me or I'd remember something about one of the children and start to cry. No one could hear me...but if they looked at my face they'd see tears falling down it....It's like a grieving a cutting off to say goodbye. Some of the students asked me if I'm coming back next year.... I just don't know.

My dream would be to study art in college and go back and teach what I learned maybe.... but maybe this was a once in my lifetime season. Someday, some years down the road I'd like to see them again. See them more grown up.

I asked them to write me a letter with a beautiful picture, if they wanted to. I told them I wouldn't read it until I was on the plane or in my country. I might just read them when I'm on the plane. Yeah that might make me cry again...

This time here was some of the best time of my life. I was made for it...for this experience for these relationships. To teach, to impart to these wonderful and beautiful children.

When I said bye to Timothy he said, "bless you" it made us americans laugh, cause in a short video the kids made he was a king with many daughters. At the beginning he blesses each of his daughters and says, "bless you" as he lays his hand on their head. By the way his nick name is now "King."

It's kinda sad cause after I left Mae La camp,I remembered like 3 or 4 kids I didn't say good bye to. hmmm...

I had a chance to spend alot of time with Mindy. A volunteer my age who has taught at hte school for a year. She came back this last week. It was good to "debrief" with her. She speaks english, she's an american! So it was good to "compare notes" and talk about my experiences. She was good cause I did most of the talking.

I realize when I come back to the US, most people there won't fully comprehend my experiences. I believe I'll be doing alot of talking about my time and the kids. I hope I don't bore or annoy any one. :)

They, the 31 Karen and Karenni students, were my life for the last 3 months. I went to the school to teach Art and completed my task. They also became part of my world...they stole pieces of my heart. Part of my heart will be left here....

This experience has been unlike anything I've ever experienced.

I'll write more later.... need to get off. We're getting up I think at like 3:30 am....yikes. If you read this as I'm en route pray for my protection and that I'll sit next to a christian... any one that I need to sit by... that I'll sit by the right people.

Wow! I'm coming home. I feel like crying.... "It's time to say good bye."

Good bye my babies. I love you so much. Ya En Na (I love you in Karen.) Bye...