Sunday, March 02, 2008

learning to dance...

Wow! I have about 2 and a half weeks left of my time here in NYC. That's kinda sad:( This will probably be a quick note...I'm not feelin' too good... I got caught by another cold. There's been alot of sickness goin' around here.

So yup 2 and a half more weeks. WoW! The time has flown but also it's felt like forever!

I do not know what I am going to do next. For all ya'll that will ask me that's the answer.

I've been learnin recently more aobut how God speaks to us, how He communicates. I've been reading the book, "A Beautiful Way" by Dan Bauman. He talks about his relationship with God and fundamentals to that relationship.

Instead of just having your devos in the morning and getting that checked off your list he challenges or suggests that we instead center our day on JEsus. That we make Him a part of everything. That everything comes out of our relationship with him. THat we get direction and guidance even from him, to look to Him in every thing. That's what intimacy with Jesus looks like. To get his heart his mind on stuff... even the little things.

I want to walk in more freedom. I believe I have religiousness in me. I can go through a check list and be very good...alot, but am I trusting is my heart resting in Jesus' love or am I just being good. I want more trust and intimacy with Jesus... I actually have been terrified about hearing His voice... but I know that He communicates in ways more than just speaking words to my mind.

I'm still figuring this whole thing out... "Hearing His voice." I know I've heard/ felt Him communicate to me. It's something that can happen in our lives alot more, He desires to be in closer fellowship with us. In a sense I feel like I am relearning who God is all over again... (and I feel like I still don't know alot... you know in my heart) while here at YWAM.

I am a pilgrim on this journey. I haven't arrived yet. But I shall know HIm as I am known now (1st Cor. 13:12)... in time...

I'm desiring more balance in my life. I have struggled with condemnation... along this path of figurin out who God is and hearing from Him. I know He loves me and what we have is a relationship not just a mold, outta which to live my life, you know a check list of do's and don'ts, that's not what relationship with God is suppose to look like, living under the law. No He died to write the truth (the fufilled law) on our hearts, to give us a heart of flesh and to live outta that new heart He has placed inside of us.

So as I decide and move onto the nest phase of my life it will be coming out of a relationship with him... an outward expression of learning to Hear Him, of learning and experiencing again How He leads and guides me. Kinda like how gentlemen gently, but firmly lead their lady around a dance floor... He is confidant in where to go... his hand is on my lower back, not rough and forced but strong and secure as He leads me through this dance called life... all I'm asked to do is look into His eyes keep my hands in His try not to step on his feet and trust Him as He leads the way...