Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Mandalas-through the valley

I have been living at home to help care for my mother.  I have been here since Father's day.  Mom was put on hospice either late spring or early summer. 

Basically my mother is dying. She is declining before our eyes. Her cancer is killing her.  My family has gathered around her and my dad at this time to help care for mom.  My sister and her husband and baby moved in so that Krista could help care for mom. Adam has also been living her, at my parents, and he has also helped care for mom.  Dad is also one of her caregivers.  I am also one of her caregivers.  

When I was first here I had left all of my art supplies at my rental.  So I went out and invested in a drawing pad and sharpie markers. I started drawing detailed designs.  As they evolved and changed they became more mandala like.  Mandala's are spiritual circles, originally from the hindu/buddist faiths. I am not hindu/buddist and I am not drawing them to lead toward any sort of meditative place.  But I love the detail, the color, the symmetry.  

I am a spiritual person. I did research on "sacred cirlces" in different religions. Circles are spitiyusl expressions in many different religions/cultures.  Maybe my spirit man is working out the journey, organizing and bringing some sense of semblence to the dark valley I have been walking through.  

Mandala is a word that people know.  It expresses the circlular design of my pieces and touches on the spiritual side of my journey.  

May you enjoy these circles of creativity that come from my heart and from my journey through the hardest season of my life add some beauty to your day today.  God brings beauty, great beauty through the fires of suffering.  




"Turquoise Henna"

"Angry Lotus in Magenta"



"Healing"-because of my mom

"India Silk"



"Indian Summer"

"Oriental Radiance"

"Safe Haven"

If you want to buy these as a print, card or even phone case check out the following websites.

I'm on Fine Art America:


I have a few designs on Redbubble:



Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Mommy's still here: Sept 10th, 2014

Arrived at my parents today to help care for my beautiful, and soo cute Mommy. I have been gone for over two weeks. There has been some decline. She has lost even more weight.... it's sad for me, how her body is. 

Impressed by my sister and her ability to care for mom during the day, her baby and take care of dad's books for his business-these last two weeks plus. Also she cooked cream cheese danish, bread and something else. I have an amazing family! 

The gold, the value of a person comes out when the fire of tragedy and crisis burn. I see so much gold, so much value in the family God has surrounded me with. Mommy you can be proud of the amazing group of kids you and daddy raised

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

March 2014-Mom at UVA

Mom received a full hip replacement at UVA at the beginning of March.

Such a symbol of how dad has been there for mom through this experience.

Flat on her back because of traction.

Mom was put on traction to try and get the broken hip and leg in better position for surgery.

my little haven at the hospital

Dad singing to mom.
Braids for surgery!

After surgery, mom in ICU (and being silly!!)

The window in her ICU room. I found a place to draw some art-
and thank everyone I could think of who helped care for her while at the hospital.

Krista gave mom some flowers.

With Leo, our favorite Patient Care Tech. He was a lot of fun, silly and so gentle with mom!

Saturday, April 05, 2014

you belong to the wind

March 23, 2010

I can't hold onto you, you are not mine.
You belong to the wind, running, playing, the wind owns you.
Tumbling, laughing, chasing the next adventure.  The wind sweeps you into it's embrace-running, crashing, whistling you through the trees.

I can't hold onto you, gripping you tight.  Tugging and pulling, trying to mold you like clay to look like me.  I cannot calm you, quiet you or make you sterile...
Instead you belong to the thunder.  The life explodes out of you. Your laughter booms, heart pounding with passion.  The lightning flashes and crackles in your eyes.

I can't hold onto you, and keep you from heartache.  You belong to the rain.  The rain runs over you, faster and stronger- drenching you, covering you.  It flow from the skies blue and black in watercolor streaks.  I can only watch you a ways off as you cry in pain.  

I feel the wetness in my heart, the pain murmurs in my soul. You belong to the rain, let it wash away the pain. Let it go. Let it all go.  Let the rain own you.

I can't hold onto you. You belong to God.  
Sing to Him. Run to Him. His presence is around you. His TRUTH burns in your ears.  The destiny he's placed in your heart ignites you.   You are a wild man. A man of God.  You live before your creator and no one else.  

You do not belong to anyone.  Your only master is the maker of the wind.  He rushes through you in the wind-a gale force turning the world upside down.  He slammed the thunder into the sky and thunders in your heart.  His voice booms and echoes inside of you.  Lightning streaks across the sky lighting up your way.  

Your maker made the rain, to wash away the scars left so deep.  His giant tears fall from the heavens drenching you in healing.  As you cry He cries... you belong to Him, to the rain.  

You do not belong to anyone. No one owns you.  Only the wind can catch you, only the rain runs over you, only the thunder can shout back at you. Only your maker can guide you.  You belong to Him.  

Saturday, March 29, 2014

to dance

I'm learning to dance, (with God.) Dancing is all about following the lead...and when I learn to follow, to trust that He knows what He is doing-that's when I dance best.

It's when I trust and move with Him, to turn when He turns me...to do my basic steps... not to back lead (usually motivated by anxiety and insecurity or lack of trust) than the dance we dance together is beautiful.

There is a mutual creativity, a flow, an ease to the dance. People watching the dance will say, "Wow, she makes it look easy and He makes her look good."

Thursday, February 20, 2014

the strength of family

I just spent Sunday night through this am at my parents house. My mom recently had a bad fall and fractured/broke her pelvis (there's not much that can be done for her, for the break). My dad and brother Adam really stepped in and took care of her last week. I showed up Sunday night and did what I do for a living (been a CNA for about 3.5 years) caring for my mom. "Weird" is a word I would used to describe caring for my own mother. My mom is only 60 years old, and has been dealing with really hard health issues, the last 5 years. My dad has really been a rock. 

When I worked at a nursing home I worked a lot on a rehabilitative floor. I made my mom "work" yesterday. She still has that "fight" in her. If anyone really knows my mom they know what I mean  She did stuff for herself and it was really good  

I have an awesome awesome family. When my dad will get up in the middle of the night multiple times to take care of his wife, when my 28 year old brother will also care for his mother, in ways most 28 yr. old sons will never have to, when my sister with her baby comes to help care for our mom, the way we've come together and supported my mom through this and us kids supporting my dad... it shows the strength and love of our family. 

Us kids are our parents legacy and they've definitely instilled in us some amazing attributes of loyalty, sacrificial love, and commitment. I am blessed with the family I have.