Saturday, August 30, 2008

A New Kind of Friends List

This is a little excercise... one my dad just put me through. I was whining about my friend situation. I was having an ablosute pity party with confetti and snacks...I don't always feel like people pursue me the way I pursue them. I do understand people are busy... and people get married, and too life just happens. But it's not alway easy living way out in the country and I've moved away from areas where alot of my friends have lived/or they've moved.

So my dad took a piece of computar paper and had me start listing people that are my friends, he wrote them down than I started adding more and ended up typing it up. I didn't list everyone I knew... I didn't list everyone that I've been "friends" with ... I listed people that matter to me, that for some reason have stuck in my heart. I understand people change, life changes... heck even I change!

I have people that are listed from when I was growing up in Maine... even friends mothers... people alot older than me. I have friends from NH, when I was in Bible School all the way to people I met in Thailand...

People that I'd be alot closer with if they just lived closer... I had a friend once say that we don't like goodbyes because we're made for eternity. That is very true.

So I'd say this is a way to remember to be thankful for the people in your life... the ones that you hardly ever see and the ones you may see every week... include family...heck I'm friends with people in my family.

So far I have 50 friends listed. Well I just added a few more so now I have 53. I think it's a great exercise in remembering what God has blessed us with. Even look back and remember how you have influenced people and how people influenced you.

One big way that God blesses us and touches us is through the companion ship, the love the sharing that happens in friendships.

So if you've been feeling lonely lately or like doesn't anyone like me write a new kind of friends list. It's good to see it on paper.

Come on, start your list.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Swirling Leaves

Here's a poem I wrote on Feb. 6th 2007. It was because of dealing with some big things in other people's lives.

Even if you believe in Jesus sometimes sin (which works death in us) can wreck havoc. So we haveta leave it behind. We live in this corruptible, diseased flesh...can it be an day we'll all got to heaven (if you truly believe in Jesus as your Lord and savior...if you don't know what I mean ask me:) and every tear will be wiped away.

Sit back and relax, let the "word pictures" wash over you...

This life is a swirling mess of confusion-like leaves disturbed by an Autumn gale. Cold and biting fingers tear at our minds, our arms, pinning us to the ground.

We look around us and see the death, the gravestones citing what is dead-relationships going gangrene, destinies dismembered, hopes and dreams- empty shells like corpes lying in coffins-never to move and live and change the world.

The world is a horrible place. The darkness desires to cover us to indwell us...fingers tear and probe, pushing the pain deeper into our hearts, whispering that we are worthless...screaming "There is no hope."...."you are not seen..." "no one ever loved you..."

We start a journey...a pilgramage, a seeking for...We don't know what. Phantoms dance before our eyes...prostituting our broken bleeding hearts, making love, than crashing the door behind us as we lay in our blood, writhing in anguish as another part of us is torn, slashed, crushed and left to rot. It laughs in our face, cackles, it's eyes glinting with victory as we are conquered.

The leaves swirl even faster, the pounding heart aching at every beat, mocks and taunts us with being alive. Our flesh is alive but we know we are's unreal we don't recognize ourself-we look at our dead lifeless body and don't comprehend, we are numb.

The leaves fill our senses muffling every sound-all we hear is the screeching and churning of death, or brokeness, of debauchary.

So we close our eyes...we have no one to save we close our eyes and let the leaves cover us. Floating down, brown deadness covers.

Autumn comes, the cold comes. Winter comes. Everything is dead, is cold and naked. We think death will bring peace-if we only cut our heart out and leave it in the snow, will the pain go it's place is numbness...but the pain is always there-like a cancer it has entered every part of our life.

The swirling snow bites and cuts our face-as we wtach our heart- the blood seeping into the snow. Once it stops we think we'll be it stops we only feel an emptyness, a dead weight-a chill that fills every part of us...but at least we don't feel the searing pain...

we are now dead man walking....

But, I know that spring comes. I know that Jesus' heart can fill the empty hearted...I know lives can be changed and will be healed by Jesus. There will be the sunrise. There is hope.

Jesus walked through the swirling leaves- he was buried by them too and died , but when the spring came he lived and is now alive.

Take it-let his heart fill the hole in your chest. Leave your broken heart was diseased anyways...

Let God's love fill you- cover you like warm oil- soothing and healing the wounds. Let the darkness become his Sunshine. I don't even understand it- I don't fully comprehend it-but it's true.

Life is possible after death and disease. Just let the corpse-your dead body lie under the leaves- let Jesus lift you up in Newness of life...don't look back at the lifelessness that was yours-it's buried under the leaves and under the snow. Spring has come. You are beloved-He is your beloved-you are a New creature-loved and wanted as a baby is when first born. Pink and fresh, no scars-perfect in His eyes. You are desirable...

Never look back-don't let the death fill your vision-remember NOW you are alive.

You can truly dance-
You can truly sing
You can truly love.

Because you don't have to trust your past.
Your life is Christ's now and His is yours.

You are FREE! Spring has come.