Wednesday, February 21, 2007

let go and let God

Have you ever wanted something soo bad that you didn't think you could give it up? And you wonder why you don't have it or haven't experienced it yet....
so you ask someone and they say, "have you told God it's ok if it doens't happen?" but we don't want to give it up....right.
But we find our freedom when we cut the lines that hold us down to this earth...and let go and let God. It's getting up into his hands...and not gathering to ourselves what we can't keep anyways. Like pulling gravel to ourselves when we think we got ahold of the rainbow.
Sometimes we want something soo much that when we think about it it may bring some happyness but also there's fear and anxiety...because probably it's not for us-at least we think it's not.
God allows the death of a dream at times so that His DREAM can be manifested in our lives (also taken from a godly man of wisdom.)
Hope deferred makes the heart really can if you want something bad enough.
He who lays down his life will take it up again, and if you keep your life you will loose it. (paraphrased by me;)
God gave me a picture one time....when I hold onto something and want it so much I'm in gray, looking down into my own hands, but if I look around me and see what God has for me it's a huge rainbow, in full color, swirling around me, like giant ribbons, encircling me. That's opening your hands and letting God place in them his dream, his promise, his will. But when we grasp and hold on tight and pull into ourselves and trust our own instinct and self we live in grey, not the rainbow of His promise and future for our lives.
How do we let go and let God. "it get's so hard to know how to trust"-from a song, sung by Sarah Groves, I just heard.
Look our our hands...let Him decide. Stop looking sooo hard for what you want. Look to God for the answers and the WILL he has for you.
Sometimes we think we want the "candy" soo much....because we are hungry...and we want it now, hunger is deceptive... but God wants to give us the wholesome the good, the real food.
Remember your heart is deceptive.
God isn't holding back from you to taunt you....he knows when the "gift" will satisfy you...when you're ready for it...the fullness of time. He also knows if what we think will satisfy what we think the gift should be isn't the best.
Everything in your life has to come into place....everything that God has planned has to happen first sometimes, before the desires of our hearts are realized...Realize that Jesus only came 2,000 years ago...the time of the "Old Testament" had to be fufilled. God got the timing right with sending Jesus to why can't He get the timing right in my life?
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently.
Wait on the Lord you'll gain strength and be lifted up by Eagles wings.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart...and lean not on your own all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your steps.
The question is will I give to God what I have clasped so tightly to my chest, "my precious, it's mine...."(makes me think of Smegol in Lord of the rings...) sometimes that's what happens though...what we hold onto soo tightly, in our grubby filthy hands, becomes an idol....fully filling our vision.
But when we look to God, a wise woman once pointed out, the idol becomes smaller.
Of course we don't have "heart idols" do we? !
I need to do some soul searching and give things to God again. I need to trust God...and not let the fear and anxiety cloud my vision and paralyze me as I look at what I want.
Would I be satisfied in God, in life, can I trust God even if he never gives me what I most desire? Can I not be angry. Will I stamp my feet and cry...and demand what I want. Will I hold onto the gravel of my own dreams or give them to God for his living rainbow of DESTINY?
Or will I take what he has promised me, like Abraham and Sarah with Hagar- and force what He has promised....which actually isn't obedience to trust. Wow...that's scary. My heart is soo decietful that I can warp what I believe God has promised me and try to make things happen. ...and dictate how and through whom it must happen. An Ishmeal will come out of it... sowing to the flesh and reaping corruption...will you wait for the Sun of Promise or try and make you own sun rise?
How do I let go and let God? Sometimes God wants us to wrestle with Him until we get an answer....and sometimes we haveta wrestle with ourselves....maybe we think we have to wrestle with God and than we look and see it was ourself that we wrestled with all along.
Things to ponder and pray over....

Jesus is THE WAY....He is MY WAY, he knows my WAY in this life. I need to let go of the controls and stop micro managing and let God, in HIS timing...if it's what HE has for me.
let go of expectations. Let go of everything....but Him and what He wants to give.
It's a struggle isn't it, but we don't haveta do it on our own....He's got it down, He can help...just let Go and let God.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

The Rebelution

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Friday, February 02, 2007


I turned 25 successfully! Safe and sound. Wow! 25, as my lil' bro Adam would say 1/3 of the way to 75! Or even half way to 50. It's all a numbers game. Do I feel 25...I think so. In some ways.

Boy I've had alot of experiences in my 25 years. I believe I have a bit of wisdom under my belt too.

Yikes 25...I think about it a little too long and it's kinda scary...makes me go "yikes!"

Is 25 suppose to be any sort of benchmark? To me it seems more officially adult than 24. What do ya think?

This week it's been tryin' to snow. Hasn't exactly done much of that. Some hail today and even rain...and a bit of snow. A "winter" mix.

Tomorrow I'm planning on goin' with a friend to make masks for a play she's in. She'll be in the play "Much Ado about Nothing." Great story...I bet the masks will be pretty good too.

I had a great birthday party...actually had my birthday was Jan.26th a Friday. Friday night 3 girls from church, Jodi, Kaitlynn, and Batina came and so did Christina...another Christian girl I met through workin' at a gourmet shop. The "guests of honor" were Dima and Vica, a couple who were YWAM leaders. They had their 2 babies with them Nica and DJ. It was a treat to have them come up from Richmond. They enjoyed the slower pace of life in the country even though it was for one night.

The weather was beautiful that Saturday. We ended up taking a walk and Friday night the party was fun....we laughed and ate and talked and I got presents:) Yeah.

So as I start my 25th year I do have questions and wonder what to do. I am taking one day at a time. My future is unsure but my Guide is trustworthy and knows everything! I know I'm made for great things and whatever God has for me to do I'll do a great job at it:) I just wonder as I peer around the corner into my 25th year what it will hold. I hope big and exciting things and just good everyday experiences too.

Woot woot for turning 25!!!