Dear Mom,
Today is mother’s day. I am 3
plus hours away. I do not get to see you
today. But that doesn't mean I’m not
thinking about you. I think about you
and my heart hurts a bit. You mean a lot
to me.
The day God decided to place me in your womb that’s when you became my
mother. That was over 31 years ago. I know it wasn't easy for you having one baby
after the next. (being as I was baby number three.) I know you and Dad didn't have a lot. You and dad decided to have me in a trailer.
It’s such a great story!
You told me recently that you had the verse “I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens me” as your verse when you were giving birth to me. That’s such a great verse for me too. The verse that brought me into the world is
the verse the can get me through this life.
I was the first girl! You and Dad were so excited! You were your mother’s first girl and I was
your first girl. In many ways I am like
you. I think you’ve passed some of your
weaknesses like stubbornness and being too conscientious on to me ;) but also
your strengths like stubbornness (hehe) and being a prayer warrior on to
me. I’ve been told that I’m a lot like
you. You are a strong woman mom, a
strong woman of God and a strong family woman.
I know for years I've struggled with my relationship with you. I know you and Dad did your best in raising
us, your kids. I know you've been sorry
for ways where I was hurt growing up.
Your regret and even tears over that is pretty special. Many parents aren't soft and open like
that. Thank you for wishing that you’d
loved me more. I know in some ways you've tried to make it up to me. Thank you for
that. I remember those moments, those moments of deliberately doing something
to show me that you love me. Like little
gifts just to show me that you love me.
Last year in January you were diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. Boy did that suck! I had just started
orientation in college. I was under it emotionally
and a little depressed. I was under a cloud.
I was passive and stuck in my attitude toward the diagnoses. It was hard
to deal with having my mom diagnosed with cancer. I was afraid of that diagnoses. A friend said something about it that made me
mad but it kicked me in the butt emotionally to get some of my fight back.
Your faith and your fight through the diagnoses is awesome to see. You are dealing with such a serious medical
problem but you still take time and energy for your kids and your husband. So many times I’ve called you for a listening
ear and encouragement about my personal issues (and you’re the one fighting
cancer, not me). Cancer doesn't take
away the fact that you are still one of my number one go to people, that you
are still my mom. You understand my
weaknesses, you don’t judge me for them and you have ministered to me many many
times. You have spoken verses to me with
conviction and strength and also prayed so many times for me.
Having you diagnosed with cancer has made you feel more valuable to
me. Sometimes I think about you and I know
in that moment what you are dealing with and it makes me feel like crying. You are a beautiful person. Physically you
have a lovely face. Your inner person is
one of spiritual steel but also gentle in love toward me.
Thank you for your love over the years. Thank you for your faithfulness
to your family and to Dad and to your faith.
Even though we have definitely bumped heads, and we are very different
in many ways, and very similar in others, I want to be like you in your faithfulness
and and love for your family. I want to also be strong in faith like you. You are tenacious in your faith in speaking positive
while fighting this battle. I tell many
people that I don’t worry much about you because of the way you and dad are
dealing with it. That is a tribute to
the strength and faith you have in God and the way you are handling it as
individuals.
I love you a lot mom. I know I
haven’t always shown it but I do. You
mean a lot to me. You are special to me
and I’m thankful for the strength you are to me!
Your oldest girl,
Marie Angeline
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