spring flowers on Sunday

steve madden leather pumps: $2 thrifted

tights: Gabriel brothers

skirt: $3 Worthington (?) recently thrifted!

button up (Target): Thrifted  $3

Old Navy jean jacket: $25 on sale

beaded/seed necklaces: Jamaica and thrifted

turquoise pendant necklace: Vintage from Grammie

hooped earrings: $5 Forever 21 

I wore this outfit to church a few weeks ago on Sunday and thought I'd post it today.  Don't you like my spring flowery shirt!?

The weather is being finicky. We've had some beautiful warm days and then we've had some pretty yucky snow/wet/rain soon after.  It's beautiful today but has been cold.

Life continues to be crazy.  Maybe sometime I'll refer back to this and explain more.  Let me say these last 3 or 4 months of my life have been some of the hardest.  But I know my Lord and I know God is with me.  

It shows me how transient life is.  More and more my heart ties are being transferred to heaven.  There is a peace that I feel. But my heart hurts sometimes.  Sometimes I just hurt.

In Steal Magnolias one of the ladies says, "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."  That touches on some of what I've been going through, what I'm trying to say. (I think I assumed that when I would face loss  my world would be completely upside down. That inside it'd be the end of the world. It isn't.) My heart hurts. There's pain and grief but I'm also soo full of life. And those around me are full of life. There's love around me in my friends and family and in My God.  I do smile and laugh, but sometimes I cry.

I think there's a cleansing of the self that happens sometimes through grief. It clarifies things. It's like after it rains the air seems more clear and crisp. But when it's raining it's cold and wet, and that's all you feel, the rain; the tears running down your face. But, the sun comes out and it shows you that the grass is green and there is still life.  With grief though those clouds hang over you for awhile.

And the rain comes sometimes when you don't expect it.  Something reminds you of that person, and it hurts.  I think my tears come, this time around, more when I remember them. When their is a memory which stirs my love for that person, and then it hurts.  Your heart is living, and pulsing with love. And when part of it is taken away, and you touch on that part it hurts. And the tears fall.

I think in times like this our grief and our love bleed together. There are memories that bring joy, which touches on our love, which in turn brings us to tears.  

shadowlands

cardigan: Gabriel brothers

silk dress worn as a skirt: Target

black fishnets: Gabriel Brother's

blue tights (under fishnets): Gabriel Brother's

cream knee high socks: Gabriel Brother's

grey leather boots: thrifted $2

jeweled bling bling hoop earrings: Texas store $1

My dad named this blog post. It gave me chills when he suggested it because of what we've experienced with losing our loved one.  "Shadowlands" is also a movie about the life and love of C.S. Lewis. His wife dies from cancer.  Here's a poignant quote from the movie.

"Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore: only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

-Jack, from the movie Shadowlands 

I was thinking of calling it "Light and Shadow." My dad thought that was boring. Shadowlands plays into the pictures.  With the shadow and light.  In the last 2 pics I feel like I echo my surroundings. My burnished hair is like the golden sun on the trees behind me and my outfit and skirt are like the black and white of the snow, dead branches and footprints. 

Today was a better day.  I worked for hours on my sisters invitations. Got to hang out with her for awhile. (smile :)  I was inspired by another blog to pull out this dress and layer a sweater over it.  It's cream on the top, which doesn't go well with my complexion. But turning it into a skirt works.  And it's fun.  

I've realized that a shorter skirt length works better on me.  I will still be modest.  In some ways modesty is relative.  There's certain ways of dressing I just don't feel comfortable with.  But I'm not as conservative as I used to be.  

I actually grew up only wearing skirts and culottes (aka baggy long shorts.)  I've been on a journey the last few years of walking in more freedom In Christ.  I know there are girls and guys on here that are from all walks of life. I can understand the more conservative or even "orthodox" way of dressing. I've been there.  But I've really enjoyed being more relaxed and able to explore more ways of dressing since I've come into more personal freedom.  

I started wearing pants/jeans in my early 20's. I also got my ears pierced when I was 20.  I've realized that when I wore skirts all the time I actually judged girls that wore pants. In some ways I felt better then them.  More holy or something.  

I have also realized I'm the same person. It's only clothing. I feel the same inside.  I feel like I can relate to the world better. I'm not so different. I know we are to live lives that look different. But I also personally feel that if I'm too different they won't feel they can relate to me.  

This is the journey that God has me on.  I know that some of you won't agree and that's OK. We're all at different places in life.  I believe we can all love and respect each other, and agree to disagree. I think ultimately it comes down to love.  Can I accept someone even if they dress differently and believe differently than I do? 

intense in tights

I took these with my new camera! A canon Powershot. I figured out a really cool and special feature, a self timer that you can program!!  You program how long you have until it takes a picture and how MANY pictures you want it to take.  I took the pics during dusk too, most (if not all) of the pics were bright enough without editing them.  Definitely more high tech than my old camera.  

I bought these tights like a year ago. You can see my knees are stretched out. I took A LOT of pictures of earrings for my Etsy and was kneeling, crouching down to do it. Between Etsy and my blog pictures I took around 300 pictures today! It is so easy with my new camera to take MANY pictures. (Can you tell I'm happy and excited with it?!)  I didn't realize until after the pics that I am practically wearing Red, white and blue.  Oh well ;)  

I had a sick day today because yesterday I had a low grade fever of 99 because of my cold.  If I have a fever then I am contagious, and can't go to work.  I wanted to work today, I was suppose to, but I didn't want to give my sickness to my "Old lady." The lady I care for. Yeah I work tomorrow!  

Maybe I should jazz up what I wear to work a bit.... 

I actually sketched in my journal what I wore today.