Have you ever wanted something soo bad that you didn't think you could give it up? And you wonder why you don't have it or haven't experienced it yet....
so you ask someone and they say, "have you told God it's ok if it doens't happen?" but we don't want to give it up....right.
But we find our freedom when we cut the lines that hold us down to this earth...and let go and let God. It's getting up into his hands...and not gathering to ourselves what we can't keep anyways. Like pulling gravel to ourselves when we think we got ahold of the rainbow.
Sometimes we want something soo much that when we think about it it may bring some happyness but also there's fear and anxiety...because probably it's not for us-at least we think it's not.
God allows the death of a dream at times so that His DREAM can be manifested in our lives (also taken from a godly man of wisdom.)
Hope deferred makes the heart sick....it really can if you want something bad enough.
He who lays down his life will take it up again, and if you keep your life you will loose it. (paraphrased by me;)
God gave me a picture one time....when I hold onto something and want it so much I'm in gray, looking down into my own hands, but if I look around me and see what God has for me it's a huge rainbow, in full color, swirling around me, like giant ribbons, encircling me. That's opening your hands and letting God place in them his dream, his promise, his will. But when we grasp and hold on tight and pull into ourselves and trust our own instinct and self we live in grey, not the rainbow of His promise and future for our lives.
How do we let go and let God. "it get's so hard to know how to trust"-from a song, sung by Sarah Groves, I just heard.
Look up...in our hearts...open our hands...let Him decide. Stop looking sooo hard for what you want. Look to God for the answers and the WILL he has for you.
Sometimes we think we want the "candy" soo much....because we are hungry...and we want it now, hunger is deceptive... but God wants to give us the wholesome the good, the real food.
Remember your heart is deceptive.
God isn't holding back from you to taunt you....he knows when the "gift" will satisfy you...when you're ready for it...the fullness of time. He also knows if what we think will satisfy what we think the gift should be isn't the best.
Everything in your life has to come into place....everything that God has planned has to happen first sometimes, before the desires of our hearts are realized...Realize that Jesus only came 2,000 years ago...the time of the "Old Testament" had to be fufilled. God got the timing right with sending Jesus to earth...so why can't He get the timing right in my life?
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently.
Wait on the Lord you'll gain strength and be lifted up by Eagles wings.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart...and lean not on your own understanding...in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your steps.
The question is will I give to God what I have clasped so tightly to my chest, "my precious, it's mine...."(makes me think of Smegol in Lord of the rings...) sometimes that's what happens though...what we hold onto soo tightly, in our grubby filthy hands, becomes an idol....fully filling our vision.
But when we look to God, a wise woman once pointed out, the idol becomes smaller.
Of course we don't have "heart idols" do we? !
I need to do some soul searching and give things to God again. I need to trust God...and not let the fear and anxiety cloud my vision and paralyze me as I look at what I want.
Would I be satisfied in God, in life, can I trust God even if he never gives me what I most desire? Can I not be angry. Will I stamp my feet and cry...and demand what I want. Will I hold onto the gravel of my own dreams or give them to God for his living rainbow of DESTINY?
Or will I take what he has promised me, like Abraham and Sarah with Hagar- and force what He has promised....which actually isn't obedience to trust. Wow...that's scary. My heart is soo decietful that I can warp what I believe God has promised me and try to make things happen. ...and dictate how and through whom it must happen. An Ishmeal will come out of it... sowing to the flesh and reaping corruption...will you wait for the Sun of Promise or try and make you own sun rise?
How do I let go and let God? Sometimes God wants us to wrestle with Him until we get an answer....and sometimes we haveta wrestle with ourselves....maybe we think we have to wrestle with God and than we look and see it was ourself that we wrestled with all along.
Things to ponder and pray over....
Jesus is THE WAY....He is MY WAY, he knows my WAY in this life. I need to let go of the controls and stop micro managing and let God, in HIS timing...if it's what HE has for me.
let go of expectations. Let go of everything....but Him and what He wants to give.
It's a struggle isn't it, but we don't haveta do it on our own....He's got it down, He can help...just let Go and let God.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Friday, February 02, 2007
25...YIKES!
I turned 25 successfully! Safe and sound. Wow! 25, as my lil' bro Adam would say 1/3 of the way to 75! Or even half way to 50. It's all a numbers game. Do I feel 25...I think so. In some ways.
Boy I've had alot of experiences in my 25 years. I believe I have a bit of wisdom under my belt too.
Yikes 25...I think about it a little too long and it's kinda scary...makes me go "yikes!"
Is 25 suppose to be any sort of benchmark? To me it seems more officially adult than 24. What do ya think?
This week it's been tryin' to snow. Hasn't exactly done much of that. Some hail today and even rain...and a bit of snow. A "winter" mix.
Tomorrow I'm planning on goin' with a friend to make masks for a play she's in. She'll be in the play "Much Ado about Nothing." Great story...I bet the masks will be pretty good too.
I had a great birthday party...actually had my birthday off...no school...it was Jan.26th a Friday. Friday night 3 girls from church, Jodi, Kaitlynn, and Batina came and so did Christina...another Christian girl I met through workin' at a gourmet shop. The "guests of honor" were Dima and Vica, a couple who were YWAM leaders. They had their 2 babies with them Nica and DJ. It was a treat to have them come up from Richmond. They enjoyed the slower pace of life in the country even though it was for one night.
The weather was beautiful that Saturday. We ended up taking a walk and Friday night the party was fun....we laughed and ate and talked and I got presents:) Yeah.
So as I start my 25th year I do have questions and wonder what to do. I am taking one day at a time. My future is unsure but my Guide is trustworthy and knows everything! I know I'm made for great things and whatever God has for me to do I'll do a great job at it:) I just wonder as I peer around the corner into my 25th year what it will hold. I hope big and exciting things and just good everyday experiences too.
Woot woot for turning 25!!!
Boy I've had alot of experiences in my 25 years. I believe I have a bit of wisdom under my belt too.
Yikes 25...I think about it a little too long and it's kinda scary...makes me go "yikes!"
Is 25 suppose to be any sort of benchmark? To me it seems more officially adult than 24. What do ya think?
This week it's been tryin' to snow. Hasn't exactly done much of that. Some hail today and even rain...and a bit of snow. A "winter" mix.
Tomorrow I'm planning on goin' with a friend to make masks for a play she's in. She'll be in the play "Much Ado about Nothing." Great story...I bet the masks will be pretty good too.
I had a great birthday party...actually had my birthday off...no school...it was Jan.26th a Friday. Friday night 3 girls from church, Jodi, Kaitlynn, and Batina came and so did Christina...another Christian girl I met through workin' at a gourmet shop. The "guests of honor" were Dima and Vica, a couple who were YWAM leaders. They had their 2 babies with them Nica and DJ. It was a treat to have them come up from Richmond. They enjoyed the slower pace of life in the country even though it was for one night.
The weather was beautiful that Saturday. We ended up taking a walk and Friday night the party was fun....we laughed and ate and talked and I got presents:) Yeah.
So as I start my 25th year I do have questions and wonder what to do. I am taking one day at a time. My future is unsure but my Guide is trustworthy and knows everything! I know I'm made for great things and whatever God has for me to do I'll do a great job at it:) I just wonder as I peer around the corner into my 25th year what it will hold. I hope big and exciting things and just good everyday experiences too.
Woot woot for turning 25!!!
Monday, January 22, 2007
It finally snowed...and the number 25!
Greetings friends:) It actually snowed yesterday so school was canceled today. We actually didn't go home cause the road, B______ Road that we take to get home wasn't safe enough. Even my parents didnt' go home they stayed with some friends closer to town:)
I do turn 25 on Friday! Wow!!! I'm a little nervous about it but I am also looking forward to it. Twenty-five is gonna be a cool age. To be able to say wehn I'm asked how old I am "25" will be cool! To me it just seems more adult than 24;)
If you're older than 25 or right at 25 tell me what you did/are doin' in your 25th year. I don't have any big plans of what I'll do.
I do have a desire that I hope is reliezed but it is a God thing...only He can make it happen:).
Any one else turning 25 this year? I know RA is... anyone else?
I started my 2nd drawing class. It's goin' fine. I need to buy some more supplies though. I'm already havin' fun with my assingments.
This is the first snowfall that stuck around. I can look out the windo and see a hill and fields coverend in snow...with black naked trees resting in the cold.
Have a good day:)
I do turn 25 on Friday! Wow!!! I'm a little nervous about it but I am also looking forward to it. Twenty-five is gonna be a cool age. To be able to say wehn I'm asked how old I am "25" will be cool! To me it just seems more adult than 24;)
If you're older than 25 or right at 25 tell me what you did/are doin' in your 25th year. I don't have any big plans of what I'll do.
I do have a desire that I hope is reliezed but it is a God thing...only He can make it happen:).
Any one else turning 25 this year? I know RA is... anyone else?
I started my 2nd drawing class. It's goin' fine. I need to buy some more supplies though. I'm already havin' fun with my assingments.
This is the first snowfall that stuck around. I can look out the windo and see a hill and fields coverend in snow...with black naked trees resting in the cold.
Have a good day:)
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
in the meantime....
Ok here's a post to balance out the other one...if you even read the other one. Enjoy...this is also from the Boundless webzine:)
by Carolyn MacInnes
Somewhere between the potluck and tales of Grandpa’s childhood antics, your family reunion takes the customary turn for the worse. Stealthily wedging your chair behind the ficus tree was fruitless. They know you’re there. They’ve just been waiting. . . .
“So, you’re out of school now,” Aunt Beulah begins, passing you an unsolicited slice of rhubarb pie. “When are you getting married?”
Everyone’s watching. You shrug and look pleadingly to mom for rescue.
“There were some dates with Chris, from church,” Mom says.
“Well, there you go!” Aunt Pauline says, throwing her hands in the air like she’s just cured cancer.
“It didn’t work out,” you say, too quickly, grimacing as you remember Chris’s frequent racial slurs and obsession with mirrors.
“Kids today want everything to be perfect,” Grandma sighs.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be so picky, dear,” Great Aunt Lois agrees. “You are pushing 25. . . .”
Aunt Pauline pats your leg. “All we’re saying,” she whispers, “is, get yourself someone before you’re old and it’s too late.”
Of course, if not for the gaping wound it’s left, the conversation would be positively laughable. “Get” yourself someone? As in, “Get some milk while you’re out” or “Hey, would you get me the TV remote?” Do they really think it’s so easy? Do they think you planned it this way? Many of us grew up assuming we’d meet our spouse in school. Thus, we weren’t mentally prepared for living in The Meantime (my definition: that period after classmates but before the soul mate).
I’ll be honest – I panicked when I first found myself there. Despite the unprecedented opportunities that lay before me, all I felt was paralysis. From all sides, the world screamed, “human love provides the ultimate fulfillment.” So how could I rest until it was mine?
That’s when the voices began. Always keep your radar on, They warned. Mr. Perfect could come at any moment . . . but blink and you’ll miss him! They further cautioned against growing too comfortable in my singleness. What if you actually let yourself feel at ease? They said, What if your confidence scares him off? What if you start to enjoy being alone and pass up your destiny? Most terrifying: What if God sees your contentment and decides to “bless” you with the gift of lifelong singleness?
Oh yeah. I’d psyched myself out big time. I can just imagine God shaking His head. “Didn’t I promise you good gifts? Didn’t I say hope and a future? Streams in the desert? Why can’t you believe there’s purpose in this time of waiting?”
No one knows how long their Meantime will last. Could be a few months, or a lifetime. But one thing’s always certain: If our priority is finding another person, we’ll never be satisfied. The good news is that we can do more than fight for sanity while waiting on the Lord. Here are eight suggestions for flourishing in The Meantime.
Get to know God. Even the best spouses fail; God never will. Take time to talk – and listen – to Him concerning your future. Meditate on verses about His faithfulness. Discover that human standards of “worthiness” mean nothing to Him; His affection is unconditional. When we make this pivotal truth our own, we can develop a heavenly confidence that permeates all we do.
Build a community. Life is infinitely richer when we generate and nurture friendships. It’s easy to develop tunnel vision and surround ourselves only with those who are “relationship material.” Resist the urge. Dates come and go, but friends are God’s arms, holding us up when romantic ventures let us down.
Do what you love. Have you always been an artist at heart? When you run, do you “feel His pleasure”? The more we develop our talents – particularly if we use our skills to bring glory to God – the more we experience enthusiasm and joy, whatever our circumstances. (There’s also something extremely attractive about a person with a passion for life!)
Discover something new. Is there an instrument or language you want to learn? Have you dreamed of backpacking around Europe? This is your moment. When spouses and kids enter the picture, money will be allocated differently – so if you can afford to follow a dream, make it a priority. If money is tight, opportunities still abound. Increase your knowledge by researching online or at the library, or raise support to take a mission trip.
Help others. A poet once wrote, “I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother, and I found all three.” Volunteer at a nursing home or soup kitchen. Be a mentor. Rake someone’s leaves. When we’re feeling empty, we benefit immeasurably by serving folks in need. As their strength is renewed, our cups overflow.
Buy dishes. For nearly a decade, I kept a hope chest full of brand new household items while I ate off of flimsy silverware and cheap, chipped dishes. I was sitting on a gold mine, but chose to live in poverty. When I finally realized how misplaced my hope really was, I dug out some of those utensils and bought myself a set of funky dishes. It sounds crazy, but it freed me! Of course, this principle extends far beyond kitchen gadgets. It’s not an exhortation to abandon our dreams – simply a reminder to live in the present.
Be reasonable. My friend Danny didn’t date much. Plenty of girls were interested, but he could never find what he was looking for. You know, a rich supermodel whose only dream in life was to serve him? There was no room for distinctiveness; everyone who didn’t fit his mental picture was flawed. It behooves us to ask ourselves, “Am I looking for someone perfect, or for someone who – eccentricities and all – is good for me?”
But don’t compromise. Funny what loneliness can do. People with whom we have nothing in common – and sometimes hardly like – are suddenly attractive. We can even convince ourselves it’s unreasonable for God to make us wait for physical pleasure. But anytime we push ahead of Him, either by trying to force a dubious relationship or misplacing our moral compass, we’re like the Prodigal, sifting through slop when we could revel in riches down the road.
Somewhere in The Meantime, God changed my theme verse from “How long, oh Lord?” to “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:19). And I literally went to the desert of West Texas to find that “new thing.” I attended graduate school to study what I loved, mentored kids, traveled overseas, and overall, developed a fresh vision of God’s plan for my life.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the cute co-ed the Lord kept placing in my path . . . . But before all that, God was showing me that even if no one ever met me at the end of a church aisle, I was of immeasurable value, and He had big plans for me. No formula here for finding a perfect mate – just a reminder that, as Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Each of us can choose how we spend our days – but God’s wish for us is clear:
“I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10 NASB).
Copyright © 2002 Carolyn MacInnes. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
by Carolyn MacInnes
Somewhere between the potluck and tales of Grandpa’s childhood antics, your family reunion takes the customary turn for the worse. Stealthily wedging your chair behind the ficus tree was fruitless. They know you’re there. They’ve just been waiting. . . .
“So, you’re out of school now,” Aunt Beulah begins, passing you an unsolicited slice of rhubarb pie. “When are you getting married?”
Everyone’s watching. You shrug and look pleadingly to mom for rescue.
“There were some dates with Chris, from church,” Mom says.
“Well, there you go!” Aunt Pauline says, throwing her hands in the air like she’s just cured cancer.
“It didn’t work out,” you say, too quickly, grimacing as you remember Chris’s frequent racial slurs and obsession with mirrors.
“Kids today want everything to be perfect,” Grandma sighs.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be so picky, dear,” Great Aunt Lois agrees. “You are pushing 25. . . .”
Aunt Pauline pats your leg. “All we’re saying,” she whispers, “is, get yourself someone before you’re old and it’s too late.”
Of course, if not for the gaping wound it’s left, the conversation would be positively laughable. “Get” yourself someone? As in, “Get some milk while you’re out” or “Hey, would you get me the TV remote?” Do they really think it’s so easy? Do they think you planned it this way? Many of us grew up assuming we’d meet our spouse in school. Thus, we weren’t mentally prepared for living in The Meantime (my definition: that period after classmates but before the soul mate).
I’ll be honest – I panicked when I first found myself there. Despite the unprecedented opportunities that lay before me, all I felt was paralysis. From all sides, the world screamed, “human love provides the ultimate fulfillment.” So how could I rest until it was mine?
That’s when the voices began. Always keep your radar on, They warned. Mr. Perfect could come at any moment . . . but blink and you’ll miss him! They further cautioned against growing too comfortable in my singleness. What if you actually let yourself feel at ease? They said, What if your confidence scares him off? What if you start to enjoy being alone and pass up your destiny? Most terrifying: What if God sees your contentment and decides to “bless” you with the gift of lifelong singleness?
Oh yeah. I’d psyched myself out big time. I can just imagine God shaking His head. “Didn’t I promise you good gifts? Didn’t I say hope and a future? Streams in the desert? Why can’t you believe there’s purpose in this time of waiting?”
No one knows how long their Meantime will last. Could be a few months, or a lifetime. But one thing’s always certain: If our priority is finding another person, we’ll never be satisfied. The good news is that we can do more than fight for sanity while waiting on the Lord. Here are eight suggestions for flourishing in The Meantime.
Get to know God. Even the best spouses fail; God never will. Take time to talk – and listen – to Him concerning your future. Meditate on verses about His faithfulness. Discover that human standards of “worthiness” mean nothing to Him; His affection is unconditional. When we make this pivotal truth our own, we can develop a heavenly confidence that permeates all we do.
Build a community. Life is infinitely richer when we generate and nurture friendships. It’s easy to develop tunnel vision and surround ourselves only with those who are “relationship material.” Resist the urge. Dates come and go, but friends are God’s arms, holding us up when romantic ventures let us down.
Do what you love. Have you always been an artist at heart? When you run, do you “feel His pleasure”? The more we develop our talents – particularly if we use our skills to bring glory to God – the more we experience enthusiasm and joy, whatever our circumstances. (There’s also something extremely attractive about a person with a passion for life!)
Discover something new. Is there an instrument or language you want to learn? Have you dreamed of backpacking around Europe? This is your moment. When spouses and kids enter the picture, money will be allocated differently – so if you can afford to follow a dream, make it a priority. If money is tight, opportunities still abound. Increase your knowledge by researching online or at the library, or raise support to take a mission trip.
Help others. A poet once wrote, “I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother, and I found all three.” Volunteer at a nursing home or soup kitchen. Be a mentor. Rake someone’s leaves. When we’re feeling empty, we benefit immeasurably by serving folks in need. As their strength is renewed, our cups overflow.
Buy dishes. For nearly a decade, I kept a hope chest full of brand new household items while I ate off of flimsy silverware and cheap, chipped dishes. I was sitting on a gold mine, but chose to live in poverty. When I finally realized how misplaced my hope really was, I dug out some of those utensils and bought myself a set of funky dishes. It sounds crazy, but it freed me! Of course, this principle extends far beyond kitchen gadgets. It’s not an exhortation to abandon our dreams – simply a reminder to live in the present.
Be reasonable. My friend Danny didn’t date much. Plenty of girls were interested, but he could never find what he was looking for. You know, a rich supermodel whose only dream in life was to serve him? There was no room for distinctiveness; everyone who didn’t fit his mental picture was flawed. It behooves us to ask ourselves, “Am I looking for someone perfect, or for someone who – eccentricities and all – is good for me?”
But don’t compromise. Funny what loneliness can do. People with whom we have nothing in common – and sometimes hardly like – are suddenly attractive. We can even convince ourselves it’s unreasonable for God to make us wait for physical pleasure. But anytime we push ahead of Him, either by trying to force a dubious relationship or misplacing our moral compass, we’re like the Prodigal, sifting through slop when we could revel in riches down the road.
Somewhere in The Meantime, God changed my theme verse from “How long, oh Lord?” to “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:19). And I literally went to the desert of West Texas to find that “new thing.” I attended graduate school to study what I loved, mentored kids, traveled overseas, and overall, developed a fresh vision of God’s plan for my life.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the cute co-ed the Lord kept placing in my path . . . . But before all that, God was showing me that even if no one ever met me at the end of a church aisle, I was of immeasurable value, and He had big plans for me. No formula here for finding a perfect mate – just a reminder that, as Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Each of us can choose how we spend our days – but God’s wish for us is clear:
“I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10 NASB).
Copyright © 2002 Carolyn MacInnes. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
Hey folks! I was subbin' today and had a chance to use a computar at the school. I wasn't able to access my e-mail etc...so I read from a webzine, called Boundless. It's a Focus on the Family publication...written for Young Adults/Singles.... Here's an article I read that I thought was good:)
I read many other articles that were excellent too... I'd suggest goin' to Focus on the Family and checking it out.... (There is a link at the top of the article that will send you to this article than you can look around at other articles:) Where it looks like you can connect to a link from the article you can't...cause I just copied and pasted...ok:)
Enjoy!!!
Defending "The Cost of Delaying Marriage"
by Candice Z. Watters
"I cannot recall a time when an article stirred such anger in me.... I am SHOCKED that Focus on the Family would allow such an article to be placed on its website." " I must say that I can hardly find words to properly express my horror at the bogus expert that was posted on your website."
So began two of many emails we received complaining about "The Cost of Delaying Marriage," an excerpt from Danielle Crittenden's book What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us. The women who wrote those messages were not alone in their sentiments. More than any other article we've run on Boundless, this one stirred up strong emotions, especially among singles.
I wasn't surprised by the response -- it was very much like what we received the first time we ran this excerpt six years ago. But I was discouraged. Discouraged by the possibility that we haven't made more progress on the issue of singleness in the church. And concerned that many readers seemingly found her article more controversial this time around.
Thankfully the response wasn’t monolithic. After mentioning all the negative responses to readers of our weekly email update, lots more readers wrote in to applaud Danielle's stance. And to all of you, I say thanks. It was heartening to know marriage is still esteemed among many.
And yet I think it's important to answer some of the more troubling, and common complaints we received. For those of you who are still fuming from what we published, this response is for you.
Jesus Is EnoughThe top complaint from singles that want to get married but haven't yet had the opportunity has a spiritual bent. It goes something like this: The single years are more virtuous than the married ones, characterized by more faithful, focused and selfless living for the Kingdom. Christ is the sum total of what fulfills us -- to suggest that marriage can, or should fulfill us, is to devalue the role of Christ in our lives. Simply put: all we need is Jesus.
The response to this could be an article in itself, because this belief seems to be an emerging motto of Christian singles everywhere. There's just one problem: Adam had perfect communion with God in the Garden of Eden and still God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18) Everything else about Eden was said to be "good" by God. Everything, that is, except a man. Alone.
People who claim that Jesus is enough typically quote 1 Corinthians 7. In it Paul says, "It is good for a man not to marry" and "an unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit." Paul is describing celibate service -- a calling God places on a select few men and women. Though Paul does say, "I wish that all men were as I am," he goes on to say, "But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." The gift Paul is describing is celibacy -- a gift that equips a person to not "burn with passion" while enabling them to fully expend themselves in God's service without the distractions of spouse and children.
How do you know if you have this gift? Dr. Albert Mohler , president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and member of Focus' board of directors suggests asking yourself, "can I go the rest of my life without sex, without the companionship of marriage, without having children and without being bitter about it?" If you answer yes, it's likely you do.
For everyone else, the call is to marriage. To marry doesn't diminish the need for Christ. In fact, it increases it: The reason Christian marriage requires a vow is that no mere promise is enough to hold two mortals together for life. We're dependent on Christ to help us fulfill it.
It's Not My FaultSome writers -- women especially -- were frustrated by their singleness, admittedly wanting to be married but never having had the opportunity to do so. They were offended by Danielle's assertion that women who are still single in their 30s and beyond must be that way because they disregarded the many proposals they received in their 20s. Though some devoted their 20s primarily to education and career development -- implying that their focus was not on finding a mate -- most in this category were put off by the notion that their singleness was their choice.
One example: "Do I sound bitter? I am really not bitter. I am frustrated, because I see articles that do not seem to present the other side of the story, that despite our best efforts, some of us have just not met someone. That sometimes a person does not have a choice about delaying marriage, because the possibility has never presented itself.
And another: "I don't want to sound like a complainer, but I think that the delayed marriage factor has a lot to do with Christian men as well as women. I find it frustrating to be accused of being very independent when I haven't even had the option of anything else! It's not like I had ten suitors on my doorstep, and I turned down marriage at 20. I didn't have the option of marriage at 20 or even 30. … I need the support of the Christian community. Your Boundless article seems to put us all in the bucket of waiting too long or too late. But what about just waiting, because that's your only choice."
I think this writer is on to something. The problem of delayed marriage has a lot to do with men who won't take initiative. Women want to be pursued and men are charged by God to be the pursuers. Proverbs says, "he who finds a wife, " Finds. That's no passive verb. It's active. It instructs the man who wants God's blessing to get out there and look. And to the men we say, get going. It's time you accept the challenge to pursue marriage.
To the women, I say stop glorifying the single years as a super-holy season of just you and Jesus. Yes, being single does provide the chance to be uniquely intimate with Jesus. Enjoy that. But don't advertise it. Why? Because it gives guys permission to kick back and let you. If they think you're perfectly happy as a single, why wouldn't they let you stay that way? Especially when so many of them are gun shy. Thanks to a 50 percent (give or take a few points) divorce rate and absentee dad problem, many of them grew up without a mentor (their dad) and without a godly model for what marriage should look like. Many of them are scared, and for good reason.
Now to you women, that's not an excuse to bash men. You have an important ability to help them move toward marriage. How? By esteeming it. By not being embarrassed about wanting it. By going after it -- to a point. You can nurture men toward marriage by helping them see that it contains a lot of what they're looking for, even if they don't yet know it. Think of Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life. He's depressed that once again, his plans to get out of small town America and see the world have been thwarted and he's left tending the family business with just his mom and alcoholic uncle for companionship. He's questioning his very existence; longing to know his destiny. What's his mom's suggestion? "Why don't you go talk to Mary," she says. "I'll bet she could help you find the answers you're looking for."
Marriage holds the possibility of partnership, adventure, creativity, challenge and many more of the things we long for, but try to obtain with inferior pursuits. As Amy and Leon Kass observed in their roles as professors at the University of Chicago, "…we detect among our students certain (albeit sometimes unarticulated) longings -- for friendship, for wholeness, for a life that is serious and deep, and for associations that are trustworthy and lasting -- longings that they do not realize could be largely satisfied by marrying well." (Wing to Wing, Oar to Oar, p. 2)
Singles Have More FunCrittenden's article artificially elevates marriage while underestimating the value of living single, independent and free, said some. What's so bad about choosing to be single? It's a lot more fun, they argued.
Ms. Crittenden's article is critical of single women and suggests that we have somehow missed God's plan for our lives by doing what we want to do. She states that we single 30 year old women have a second-rate life that can only be tolerated. In addition, without men that we will remain unfulfilled and sad.
And another:
"Yes, God makes some of us to be parents and spouses as part of our identy," wrote one. "But he also gives us spiritual gifts that allow us to contribute to our church; he gives us friends to enrich our lives; he gives us talents to praise him; he gives us careers that fulfill our dreams. Being single doesn't cancel out my identity. And to hear that my identity as a child of God is not complete without a spouse is judgmental and disturbing."
It's not about identity. It's about obedience. When it comes to marriage, we don't need a burning bush to know if it's God's will. He's already told us it is. If we're not specially gifted to be celibate, we're called to marriage. There's no third option; no lifestyle choice to remain single because it's more fun or more fulfilling or more spiritual than being married. Yes, if you're gifted with a calling to celibacy, a la Paul, then that is your duty. But if you're not -- and Scripture is clear that most of us aren't -- then our calling is marriage.
For women, that means remaining open to the possibility, praying boldly for the opportunity and living intentionally so as not to undermine your prospects. For men, it means "finding a wife" and "leaving and cleaving;" taking initiative -- looking at the women you know, identifying the ones who would be a godly wife and good mother and pursuing one of them. Be active.
For both men and women it means living purely -- being faithful with your sexuality -- actively participating in Christian community and being a good steward of your time, money and talents. These are all things that protect and prepare you for the commitment of marriage.
Marriageandbabies Isn't One WordNot all women want to raise families others pointed out.
This letter explained, "I have a Christian friend who's married and absolutely loathes small children. The thought of changing a diaper is disgusting to her. She will probably never have children even though she's found the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with."
Now that my two little ones are potty trained I can say with all honesty, changing diapers is a disgusting thing. But's that's no reason not to have children. Especially as believers. It's only since the advent of pharmaceutical birth control that humans even had the option of choosing marriage while remaining closed to the possibility -- and blessing -- of children. And it's only since people started writing their own wedding vows that we stopped including the part about promising to receive children and raise them to know God.
Severing the link between marriage and children is a modern concept, born of material wealth, political freedom and technological advancements. But just because we can do something doesn't mean we should. God has not revoked His charge to the first couple, Adam and Eve, to be fruitful and multiply. (And contrary to public opinion, we're in dire need of more not fewer people on this earth.) When we marry and choose not to have children, we violate our very design and disobey our God. (We've talked at length about this on Boundless, including articles by J. Budziszewski and Matt Kaufman.)
Men are JerksOne writer quoted Crittenden:
The 33-year-old single woman who decides she wants more from life than her career cannot so readily walk into marriage and children; by postponing them, all she has done is to push them ahead to a point in her life when she has less sexual power to attain them.
And had this to say,
"Gee, thanks. So, women over 30 aren't sexy enough to get a man, we better get them while we are young and perky?"
It's amazing how much of the world's mentality we've absorbed as Christians. It's not about "getting a man," it's about being in reality about when a woman is most likely to marry and still be able to have children. Youth is a wonderful thing for meeting eligible mates (thanks in large part to our system of higher education), having the time to date (again, thanks to college) and for pregnancy. The older a woman gets, the harder it is for her to conceive and the more likely she'll have complications if she does.
Still another writer said it's our fault for making men look bad. "Crittenden takes a very critical and unflattering view of men," she wrote. "She appears to assume that the good men only want women while they're still young, sexually attractive and fertile. Crittenden mentions nothing of men who may simply want partners they can love and connect with on a deeper emotional basis, and men who care nothing of age, fertility or looks and instead want intellectual and emotional equals.
Men and women are different. It's well established by Christian and secular researchers alike that men are more sight oriented than women and that looks matter a great deal to men when it comes to issues of attraction. If that's all they care about, we call them shallow. But to suggest that men should forgo externals and focus instead on deep emotional connections is to ask men to think like women.
As a woman, I'll venture to say that we women still hold a lot of sway over men. Next time you're verbalizing your contentment with being single (especially if what you really want is to marry) or going after one more degree or one more promotion, remember, men are watching. In many areas, they still look to us for cues.
Consider what Boundless reader Mark T. had to say:
This is a welcome breath of fresh air for a male in his early 20s with a professional degree, and the beginnings of a career that would love nothing more than to be able to share his life with someone, but only seems to meet young attractive and ambitious women that want to pursue the independent lifestyle for another 10 years all by themselves.
Did We Make a Mistake?
Sometimes we run things on Boundless that we don't completely agree with in order to get readers thinking, or thinking in a different direction. Sometimes we spotlight an article, author or movie to point out where we think they're wrong.
This was not one of those articles.
Danielle's excerpt is one thing we stand behind fully. She's on to something important and even though she doesn't write from an explicitly Christian perspective, the issues she raises are critical to the church. Boundless isn't alone in thinking this. Dr. Dobson interviewed Danielle about her book for a recent Focus on the Family broadcast (incidentally this was a re-air of the show, originally recorded in 1999).
Afterward, Dr. Mohler called this excerpt "a must read" on this blog Saying, "This is an issue I address often, and I appreciate Crittenden's thoughtful analysis -- as well as her perspective as a woman.... The article is really important. Her intelligent celebration of marriage is refreshing."
We're glad to know the article got you thinking -- even if you wrote to say you totally disagree with it. And we hope you'll prayerfully consider the reasons we so thoroughly endorse it. Yes, hoping for and getting married requires some serious risk-taking, especially in this culture. But it's still a divine gift worth pursuing and receiving.
Copyright © 2005 Candice Z. Watters. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
I read many other articles that were excellent too... I'd suggest goin' to Focus on the Family and checking it out.... (There is a link at the top of the article that will send you to this article than you can look around at other articles:) Where it looks like you can connect to a link from the article you can't...cause I just copied and pasted...ok:)
Enjoy!!!
Defending "The Cost of Delaying Marriage"
by Candice Z. Watters
"I cannot recall a time when an article stirred such anger in me.... I am SHOCKED that Focus on the Family would allow such an article to be placed on its website." " I must say that I can hardly find words to properly express my horror at the bogus expert that was posted on your website."
So began two of many emails we received complaining about "The Cost of Delaying Marriage," an excerpt from Danielle Crittenden's book What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us. The women who wrote those messages were not alone in their sentiments. More than any other article we've run on Boundless, this one stirred up strong emotions, especially among singles.
I wasn't surprised by the response -- it was very much like what we received the first time we ran this excerpt six years ago. But I was discouraged. Discouraged by the possibility that we haven't made more progress on the issue of singleness in the church. And concerned that many readers seemingly found her article more controversial this time around.
Thankfully the response wasn’t monolithic. After mentioning all the negative responses to readers of our weekly email update, lots more readers wrote in to applaud Danielle's stance. And to all of you, I say thanks. It was heartening to know marriage is still esteemed among many.
And yet I think it's important to answer some of the more troubling, and common complaints we received. For those of you who are still fuming from what we published, this response is for you.
Jesus Is EnoughThe top complaint from singles that want to get married but haven't yet had the opportunity has a spiritual bent. It goes something like this: The single years are more virtuous than the married ones, characterized by more faithful, focused and selfless living for the Kingdom. Christ is the sum total of what fulfills us -- to suggest that marriage can, or should fulfill us, is to devalue the role of Christ in our lives. Simply put: all we need is Jesus.
The response to this could be an article in itself, because this belief seems to be an emerging motto of Christian singles everywhere. There's just one problem: Adam had perfect communion with God in the Garden of Eden and still God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18) Everything else about Eden was said to be "good" by God. Everything, that is, except a man. Alone.
People who claim that Jesus is enough typically quote 1 Corinthians 7. In it Paul says, "It is good for a man not to marry" and "an unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit." Paul is describing celibate service -- a calling God places on a select few men and women. Though Paul does say, "I wish that all men were as I am," he goes on to say, "But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." The gift Paul is describing is celibacy -- a gift that equips a person to not "burn with passion" while enabling them to fully expend themselves in God's service without the distractions of spouse and children.
How do you know if you have this gift? Dr. Albert Mohler , president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and member of Focus' board of directors suggests asking yourself, "can I go the rest of my life without sex, without the companionship of marriage, without having children and without being bitter about it?" If you answer yes, it's likely you do.
For everyone else, the call is to marriage. To marry doesn't diminish the need for Christ. In fact, it increases it: The reason Christian marriage requires a vow is that no mere promise is enough to hold two mortals together for life. We're dependent on Christ to help us fulfill it.
It's Not My FaultSome writers -- women especially -- were frustrated by their singleness, admittedly wanting to be married but never having had the opportunity to do so. They were offended by Danielle's assertion that women who are still single in their 30s and beyond must be that way because they disregarded the many proposals they received in their 20s. Though some devoted their 20s primarily to education and career development -- implying that their focus was not on finding a mate -- most in this category were put off by the notion that their singleness was their choice.
One example: "Do I sound bitter? I am really not bitter. I am frustrated, because I see articles that do not seem to present the other side of the story, that despite our best efforts, some of us have just not met someone. That sometimes a person does not have a choice about delaying marriage, because the possibility has never presented itself.
And another: "I don't want to sound like a complainer, but I think that the delayed marriage factor has a lot to do with Christian men as well as women. I find it frustrating to be accused of being very independent when I haven't even had the option of anything else! It's not like I had ten suitors on my doorstep, and I turned down marriage at 20. I didn't have the option of marriage at 20 or even 30. … I need the support of the Christian community. Your Boundless article seems to put us all in the bucket of waiting too long or too late. But what about just waiting, because that's your only choice."
I think this writer is on to something. The problem of delayed marriage has a lot to do with men who won't take initiative. Women want to be pursued and men are charged by God to be the pursuers. Proverbs says, "he who finds a wife, " Finds. That's no passive verb. It's active. It instructs the man who wants God's blessing to get out there and look. And to the men we say, get going. It's time you accept the challenge to pursue marriage.
To the women, I say stop glorifying the single years as a super-holy season of just you and Jesus. Yes, being single does provide the chance to be uniquely intimate with Jesus. Enjoy that. But don't advertise it. Why? Because it gives guys permission to kick back and let you. If they think you're perfectly happy as a single, why wouldn't they let you stay that way? Especially when so many of them are gun shy. Thanks to a 50 percent (give or take a few points) divorce rate and absentee dad problem, many of them grew up without a mentor (their dad) and without a godly model for what marriage should look like. Many of them are scared, and for good reason.
Now to you women, that's not an excuse to bash men. You have an important ability to help them move toward marriage. How? By esteeming it. By not being embarrassed about wanting it. By going after it -- to a point. You can nurture men toward marriage by helping them see that it contains a lot of what they're looking for, even if they don't yet know it. Think of Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life. He's depressed that once again, his plans to get out of small town America and see the world have been thwarted and he's left tending the family business with just his mom and alcoholic uncle for companionship. He's questioning his very existence; longing to know his destiny. What's his mom's suggestion? "Why don't you go talk to Mary," she says. "I'll bet she could help you find the answers you're looking for."
Marriage holds the possibility of partnership, adventure, creativity, challenge and many more of the things we long for, but try to obtain with inferior pursuits. As Amy and Leon Kass observed in their roles as professors at the University of Chicago, "…we detect among our students certain (albeit sometimes unarticulated) longings -- for friendship, for wholeness, for a life that is serious and deep, and for associations that are trustworthy and lasting -- longings that they do not realize could be largely satisfied by marrying well." (Wing to Wing, Oar to Oar, p. 2)
Singles Have More FunCrittenden's article artificially elevates marriage while underestimating the value of living single, independent and free, said some. What's so bad about choosing to be single? It's a lot more fun, they argued.
Ms. Crittenden's article is critical of single women and suggests that we have somehow missed God's plan for our lives by doing what we want to do. She states that we single 30 year old women have a second-rate life that can only be tolerated. In addition, without men that we will remain unfulfilled and sad.
And another:
"Yes, God makes some of us to be parents and spouses as part of our identy," wrote one. "But he also gives us spiritual gifts that allow us to contribute to our church; he gives us friends to enrich our lives; he gives us talents to praise him; he gives us careers that fulfill our dreams. Being single doesn't cancel out my identity. And to hear that my identity as a child of God is not complete without a spouse is judgmental and disturbing."
It's not about identity. It's about obedience. When it comes to marriage, we don't need a burning bush to know if it's God's will. He's already told us it is. If we're not specially gifted to be celibate, we're called to marriage. There's no third option; no lifestyle choice to remain single because it's more fun or more fulfilling or more spiritual than being married. Yes, if you're gifted with a calling to celibacy, a la Paul, then that is your duty. But if you're not -- and Scripture is clear that most of us aren't -- then our calling is marriage.
For women, that means remaining open to the possibility, praying boldly for the opportunity and living intentionally so as not to undermine your prospects. For men, it means "finding a wife" and "leaving and cleaving;" taking initiative -- looking at the women you know, identifying the ones who would be a godly wife and good mother and pursuing one of them. Be active.
For both men and women it means living purely -- being faithful with your sexuality -- actively participating in Christian community and being a good steward of your time, money and talents. These are all things that protect and prepare you for the commitment of marriage.
Marriageandbabies Isn't One WordNot all women want to raise families others pointed out.
This letter explained, "I have a Christian friend who's married and absolutely loathes small children. The thought of changing a diaper is disgusting to her. She will probably never have children even though she's found the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with."
Now that my two little ones are potty trained I can say with all honesty, changing diapers is a disgusting thing. But's that's no reason not to have children. Especially as believers. It's only since the advent of pharmaceutical birth control that humans even had the option of choosing marriage while remaining closed to the possibility -- and blessing -- of children. And it's only since people started writing their own wedding vows that we stopped including the part about promising to receive children and raise them to know God.
Severing the link between marriage and children is a modern concept, born of material wealth, political freedom and technological advancements. But just because we can do something doesn't mean we should. God has not revoked His charge to the first couple, Adam and Eve, to be fruitful and multiply. (And contrary to public opinion, we're in dire need of more not fewer people on this earth.) When we marry and choose not to have children, we violate our very design and disobey our God. (We've talked at length about this on Boundless, including articles by J. Budziszewski and Matt Kaufman.)
Men are JerksOne writer quoted Crittenden:
The 33-year-old single woman who decides she wants more from life than her career cannot so readily walk into marriage and children; by postponing them, all she has done is to push them ahead to a point in her life when she has less sexual power to attain them.
And had this to say,
"Gee, thanks. So, women over 30 aren't sexy enough to get a man, we better get them while we are young and perky?"
It's amazing how much of the world's mentality we've absorbed as Christians. It's not about "getting a man," it's about being in reality about when a woman is most likely to marry and still be able to have children. Youth is a wonderful thing for meeting eligible mates (thanks in large part to our system of higher education), having the time to date (again, thanks to college) and for pregnancy. The older a woman gets, the harder it is for her to conceive and the more likely she'll have complications if she does.
Still another writer said it's our fault for making men look bad. "Crittenden takes a very critical and unflattering view of men," she wrote. "She appears to assume that the good men only want women while they're still young, sexually attractive and fertile. Crittenden mentions nothing of men who may simply want partners they can love and connect with on a deeper emotional basis, and men who care nothing of age, fertility or looks and instead want intellectual and emotional equals.
Men and women are different. It's well established by Christian and secular researchers alike that men are more sight oriented than women and that looks matter a great deal to men when it comes to issues of attraction. If that's all they care about, we call them shallow. But to suggest that men should forgo externals and focus instead on deep emotional connections is to ask men to think like women.
As a woman, I'll venture to say that we women still hold a lot of sway over men. Next time you're verbalizing your contentment with being single (especially if what you really want is to marry) or going after one more degree or one more promotion, remember, men are watching. In many areas, they still look to us for cues.
Consider what Boundless reader Mark T. had to say:
This is a welcome breath of fresh air for a male in his early 20s with a professional degree, and the beginnings of a career that would love nothing more than to be able to share his life with someone, but only seems to meet young attractive and ambitious women that want to pursue the independent lifestyle for another 10 years all by themselves.
Did We Make a Mistake?
Sometimes we run things on Boundless that we don't completely agree with in order to get readers thinking, or thinking in a different direction. Sometimes we spotlight an article, author or movie to point out where we think they're wrong.
This was not one of those articles.
Danielle's excerpt is one thing we stand behind fully. She's on to something important and even though she doesn't write from an explicitly Christian perspective, the issues she raises are critical to the church. Boundless isn't alone in thinking this. Dr. Dobson interviewed Danielle about her book for a recent Focus on the Family broadcast (incidentally this was a re-air of the show, originally recorded in 1999).
Afterward, Dr. Mohler called this excerpt "a must read" on this blog Saying, "This is an issue I address often, and I appreciate Crittenden's thoughtful analysis -- as well as her perspective as a woman.... The article is really important. Her intelligent celebration of marriage is refreshing."
We're glad to know the article got you thinking -- even if you wrote to say you totally disagree with it. And we hope you'll prayerfully consider the reasons we so thoroughly endorse it. Yes, hoping for and getting married requires some serious risk-taking, especially in this culture. But it's still a divine gift worth pursuing and receiving.
Copyright © 2005 Candice Z. Watters. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
Friday, January 05, 2007
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine....
Wow! Another post a month later;) My life as a 24 year old is winding down. I'll be turning 25 Jan. 26...almost my silver birthday...isn't that what it's called, when I'll turn 26 on the 26th....?
Right now I'm subbing for, I think a history teacher. She had a personal emergency and needed to get goin'. Right now we're in an AP class (smart kids, that work hard...) after lunch we're goin' upstairs to watch a movie on Tolerance...racial tolerance. "A Time for Justice," about the civil rights movement.
Oh yeah Happy New Year everybody:) Weird isn't it, 2007~!!!
I signed up for my 2nd college level Drawing class. I'm excited about it. I think the first class is this coming up Wednesday. The first drawing class I took was only drawing in black and white. This class, Art 122, will be incorporating color. Yeah! I love color. I'm guessin' we'll be workin' in chalk pastels sometime...I hope oil pastel's too. I love color! I love Art! It's a blessing and a happiness to be able to take another class.
This post will be rather random. Just catchin'you up on some of my life recently.
I got a letter from one of my girls from Thailand, Mercy Htoo. Her family has talked to the UN and the UN is talkin' about them someday moving to the US. That would be awesome. I believe Lord willing if it happens it will be in a few years. Mercy Htoo is a delicate, fairy like young lady, age 14, I believe, with a Melodious voice and a quick smile and laugh. She has an "old soul"-wisdom beyond her years. There's an essence of wisdom and grace about her...and she's really smart because she works hard! and was blessed with a good mind. She has a heart for God. I was able to share with her how to have a more personal relationship with God-which was specail to know I had made a difference that way.
I got the letter from her the same day I traveled all the way to and back, from Richmond, for my YWAM leader's wedding! On the way back, it was late, I got a bad speeding ticket. So I came home and get the letter like around midnight sat on the couch and cried...cause of the differnt emotions...I mostly cried because of my kids in Thailand... I dunno if I'll go back soon. Part of me would like too. God knows.
This last Sat. I went to the wedding...than Sunday was church and in the evening there was a New Year's party at my Youth Leader's house. It was crazy cause her brother invited all these people from PA...and most of the people that came I had worked with at a camp. So this last weekend was reunion weekend from like 3 years ago. It was great and alot of fun.
Seems like I've prayed recently about wanting to be with friends...
A flying squirrel died in my room this last week. I had seen it awhile back...it saw me too! I think it was a baby/young one...finally it died. It was under my chair ( marie scrunches up nose:() ewww....) I felt kinda bad. I coulda put food out for it but I didn't. Are flying squirrels endangered?
I started movin' into a new room. It has my bed and the chair (red fuzzy chair!) I got for Christmas/Birthday in it. The walls are deep red. I hung my big quilt up that I bought in Isreal. Which is a dyed blue with deep red highlights all through it. It looks really cool.
Dana and April are expecting again. They have been for awhile. They know the baby is a boy and will be naming him Lucas David. The David is after Adam and April's father.
Tonight Adam and I are goin' to a Pizza/Movie party. One of my guy friends that's been away at Coast Guard School will be there and also 2 of my girlfriends from college... It will be fun.
God really has blessed me with alot of friends everywhere! Yeah! It's such a blessing. Makes me feel special.
God has blessed me alot. I live in America. My life is easy compared to most people in the world. I can still live at home... with good parents...I have a great family. I have tons of clothes...(many which I've gotten at 2nd hand stores, I've found some good things!) Instead of goin' hungry I actually wanna loose a little weight;) I own a car now. Finally I got one;) (I'm growin' up in those ways slowly and I do have a debit card and a check book:)) We are spoiled Americans...and alot of us act that way!;)
Someday I wanna go to college and study Art. I think I want to be an Art Teacher.
I believe I could make a big differnce in young people's lives. I want to pour into peoples lives. I come home to the US after Thailand and all I do, alot is care for me, for Marie. I buy stuff for me, to wear, to eat...nice things... I can go out with my friends to a movie... I can spend hours on the internet... I don't have much responsibility or a ministry that I pour all of me into.
I do sub. at the public schools...in some ways I do look at that as a ministry. I was dreading getting back into it...but I thought of the scripture about laying down your life and it will be given back to you...instead of holding it close and loosing it (that was a pharaphrasing definately:) So I'm back in the hell halls of Warren Co. It's a crazy place. They have left God out and let the devil in in a big way. (
Right now I'm subbing for, I think a history teacher. She had a personal emergency and needed to get goin'. Right now we're in an AP class (smart kids, that work hard...) after lunch we're goin' upstairs to watch a movie on Tolerance...racial tolerance. "A Time for Justice," about the civil rights movement.
Oh yeah Happy New Year everybody:) Weird isn't it, 2007~!!!
I signed up for my 2nd college level Drawing class. I'm excited about it. I think the first class is this coming up Wednesday. The first drawing class I took was only drawing in black and white. This class, Art 122, will be incorporating color. Yeah! I love color. I'm guessin' we'll be workin' in chalk pastels sometime...I hope oil pastel's too. I love color! I love Art! It's a blessing and a happiness to be able to take another class.
This post will be rather random. Just catchin'you up on some of my life recently.
I got a letter from one of my girls from Thailand, Mercy Htoo. Her family has talked to the UN and the UN is talkin' about them someday moving to the US. That would be awesome. I believe Lord willing if it happens it will be in a few years. Mercy Htoo is a delicate, fairy like young lady, age 14, I believe, with a Melodious voice and a quick smile and laugh. She has an "old soul"-wisdom beyond her years. There's an essence of wisdom and grace about her...and she's really smart because she works hard! and was blessed with a good mind. She has a heart for God. I was able to share with her how to have a more personal relationship with God-which was specail to know I had made a difference that way.
I got the letter from her the same day I traveled all the way to and back, from Richmond, for my YWAM leader's wedding! On the way back, it was late, I got a bad speeding ticket. So I came home and get the letter like around midnight sat on the couch and cried...cause of the differnt emotions...I mostly cried because of my kids in Thailand... I dunno if I'll go back soon. Part of me would like too. God knows.
This last Sat. I went to the wedding...than Sunday was church and in the evening there was a New Year's party at my Youth Leader's house. It was crazy cause her brother invited all these people from PA...and most of the people that came I had worked with at a camp. So this last weekend was reunion weekend from like 3 years ago. It was great and alot of fun.
Seems like I've prayed recently about wanting to be with friends...
A flying squirrel died in my room this last week. I had seen it awhile back...it saw me too! I think it was a baby/young one...finally it died. It was under my chair ( marie scrunches up nose:() ewww....) I felt kinda bad. I coulda put food out for it but I didn't. Are flying squirrels endangered?
I started movin' into a new room. It has my bed and the chair (red fuzzy chair!) I got for Christmas/Birthday in it. The walls are deep red. I hung my big quilt up that I bought in Isreal. Which is a dyed blue with deep red highlights all through it. It looks really cool.
Dana and April are expecting again. They have been for awhile. They know the baby is a boy and will be naming him Lucas David. The David is after Adam and April's father.
Tonight Adam and I are goin' to a Pizza/Movie party. One of my guy friends that's been away at Coast Guard School will be there and also 2 of my girlfriends from college... It will be fun.
God really has blessed me with alot of friends everywhere! Yeah! It's such a blessing. Makes me feel special.
God has blessed me alot. I live in America. My life is easy compared to most people in the world. I can still live at home... with good parents...I have a great family. I have tons of clothes...(many which I've gotten at 2nd hand stores, I've found some good things!) Instead of goin' hungry I actually wanna loose a little weight;) I own a car now. Finally I got one;) (I'm growin' up in those ways slowly and I do have a debit card and a check book:)) We are spoiled Americans...and alot of us act that way!;)
Someday I wanna go to college and study Art. I think I want to be an Art Teacher.
I believe I could make a big differnce in young people's lives. I want to pour into peoples lives. I come home to the US after Thailand and all I do, alot is care for me, for Marie. I buy stuff for me, to wear, to eat...nice things... I can go out with my friends to a movie... I can spend hours on the internet... I don't have much responsibility or a ministry that I pour all of me into.
I do sub. at the public schools...in some ways I do look at that as a ministry. I was dreading getting back into it...but I thought of the scripture about laying down your life and it will be given back to you...instead of holding it close and loosing it (that was a pharaphrasing definately:) So I'm back in the hell halls of Warren Co. It's a crazy place. They have left God out and let the devil in in a big way. (
Monday, December 04, 2006
soo tired...set to paint....
I am soo tired.....and I have alot of set to paint. I need some motivation... ahhh...if you read this please pray for me. Pray that I'll get alot of help. I've just been extra tired lately. Need better discipline to get to bed and too we had play practices Saturday, all day and on Sunday after church. Got some painting done that day!
The play is calle "The Christmas Carol." I'm Mrs. Fezziwig, I have one line!
Ok...talk to ya all later. I'm all adjusted since Thailand...I have missed the kids a number of times.
Merry Christmas! Ya'll!
p.s. I'm turning 25 on Jan. 26! Isn't that crazy! I like that age already. Sounds grown up!;)
The play is calle "The Christmas Carol." I'm Mrs. Fezziwig, I have one line!
Ok...talk to ya all later. I'm all adjusted since Thailand...I have missed the kids a number of times.
Merry Christmas! Ya'll!
p.s. I'm turning 25 on Jan. 26! Isn't that crazy! I like that age already. Sounds grown up!;)
Thursday, November 16, 2006
What do People Think of Your Face
***You Are a Newborn Soul***
You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance.
On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others.
You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative.
Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you.
Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter.
You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything.
You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships.
Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily.
Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul
***You Are Lilac***
You are a very innocent and pure person. Ethics matter to you.
Your friends consider you a great listener, and you often play therapist to your friends.
You are good at drawing out truths in conversation, however painful they may be.
Non judgmental and patient - people feel like they can tell you anything!
What Color Purple Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorpurpleareyouquiz/
***Your Personality Is***
Idealist (NF)
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.
You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.
You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.
In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.
At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.
With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.
As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.
On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.
The Three Question Personality Test
http://www.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/
What Kind of Soul Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/
***The Keys to Your Heart***
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/
You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance.
On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others.
You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative.
Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you.
Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter.
You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything.
You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships.
Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily.
Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul
***You Are Lilac***
You are a very innocent and pure person. Ethics matter to you.
Your friends consider you a great listener, and you often play therapist to your friends.
You are good at drawing out truths in conversation, however painful they may be.
Non judgmental and patient - people feel like they can tell you anything!
What Color Purple Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorpurpleareyouquiz/
***Your Personality Is***
Idealist (NF)
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.
You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.
You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.
In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.
At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.
With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.
As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.
On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.
The Three Question Personality Test
http://www.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/
What Kind of Soul Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/
***The Keys to Your Heart***
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Life is Good...
Wow! I haven't posted for awhile. I'm in the swing of things...Life is pretty normal:) I do miss the kids sometimes...I'll get a pang and miss Thailand. Like the other day I was at the Jr. High and was looking at Art Work hung up on a bulletin board and missed Thailand. Or I'll talk about one of the kids and get a little emotional...They are an emoti0nal thing for me:) This is kinda hard to express...I hope you understand.:)
I've been subbing. Tomorrow I believe I sub for a Graphic Art/Photography teacher. I have also been going to an Acrylic/Oil painting class. I'm painting "Sunset in Venice" it's either by Van Goph(how do you spell his name?!) or Monet. It's kinda scary but it's evolving...someone already offered to buy it from me...and I'm only on Day 2 with it...not sure if she was totally serious...she was like "how much do you want for the painting..." she's in my class.
Right now I'm "dog-sitting." Taking care of my friend Angela's dog. Shelby, Angela's doggy, is very old. She is blind and deaf...but really cute. Shelby is a golden retriever I think...but rather a small dog...you'd probably call her medium sized for a dog.
Right now I'm an another friend's house, Brianna and we're gonna talk more about our churches Christmas play. She wants me to be incharge of the set...like set design...kinda scary and big! But we can do it. I'll be getting alot of help! And Brianna will know what she wants in alot of ways. Brianna is also going to write the play. It's "The Christmas Carol" but adapted...if you're in the area when we put it on you should come out! It's gonna be awesome! So I have Shelby here with me an she's sleepin' next to the fire...Shelby is rather lazy, she is an "old girl."
Well I'm gonna get goin'...Briana put her kids to bed and we'll be able to discuss more. I have a wide range of friends...from age 14 to fully grown ladies with kids:) I like people:) and they like me!
Right now life is good:) And I've been busy lately so that helps to make me happy:)
I've been subbing. Tomorrow I believe I sub for a Graphic Art/Photography teacher. I have also been going to an Acrylic/Oil painting class. I'm painting "Sunset in Venice" it's either by Van Goph(how do you spell his name?!) or Monet. It's kinda scary but it's evolving...someone already offered to buy it from me...and I'm only on Day 2 with it...not sure if she was totally serious...she was like "how much do you want for the painting..." she's in my class.
Right now I'm "dog-sitting." Taking care of my friend Angela's dog. Shelby, Angela's doggy, is very old. She is blind and deaf...but really cute. Shelby is a golden retriever I think...but rather a small dog...you'd probably call her medium sized for a dog.
Right now I'm an another friend's house, Brianna and we're gonna talk more about our churches Christmas play. She wants me to be incharge of the set...like set design...kinda scary and big! But we can do it. I'll be getting alot of help! And Brianna will know what she wants in alot of ways. Brianna is also going to write the play. It's "The Christmas Carol" but adapted...if you're in the area when we put it on you should come out! It's gonna be awesome! So I have Shelby here with me an she's sleepin' next to the fire...Shelby is rather lazy, she is an "old girl."
Well I'm gonna get goin'...Briana put her kids to bed and we'll be able to discuss more. I have a wide range of friends...from age 14 to fully grown ladies with kids:) I like people:) and they like me!
Right now life is good:) And I've been busy lately so that helps to make me happy:)
Monday, October 30, 2006
one step at a time...
I've been home almost exactly 2 weeks. I haven't done much these last two weeks. I took them off! For awhile I had bad jet lag...a coupla times I'd wake up tired after getting a nice amount of sleep, than a number of evenings I'd be really tired at like 6/7/8...weird... I think I'm over or at least mostly over jet lag.
My plan at this point is to start substitute teaching again, hmmm....
I have a job on Wed. and Fri. Friday I'll be an Art teacher at the "Rhino" school. That's the school's mascot. The ages there are kindergarten to 5th...and the lunches are really wimpy...anyways. I'm looking forward to that:) teaching Art...last time I taught Art I was teaching it at the Refugee camp.
My dream/goal is to study Art/Art Education in college...Where and when and how I don't know:)
I'm probably going to pick up an Oil painting class that happens on Wednesdays! That will be fun! I've never had any training in oil painting cept when I painted a pic and my grandma sat through the whole thing and she'd coach me along. It came out better cause she was there:)
Sometime this week I want to take the Art work the kids did to CFI. Some of the stuff they did was excellent!
I was hit by emotion last night when I was thinking about people I left back in Thailand...plus I had Nat King Cole goin' in the back ground.... it was rough...
This weekend I helped my youth leader and her family move. And so did ALOT of people. Before I left she and some of us prayed that they'd be able to move to B___ (not my town)...before I left when we prayed, it was like it was impossible. When I came back I heard there was a house they were looking at...and then they moved...Guess it wasn't impossible huh:)
It's a sweet house. About 150 years old, a log cabin...there daughter prayed since she was 2 that God would give them a house with a fireplace...they got one... at the house they'll be able to have a dog too. They have ALOT of land! It's such a beautiful area. They are renting, but they were renting before and now they are only like 4 mins. from church instead of 30mins. BIG answer to prayer for their family. Yeah!
Marie's movie reviews:
An Affair to Remember-Don't be mislead by the title, there's nothing adulterous about it:) It's about 2 people engaged to other people and they fall in love with each other instead, oops. It's one of those good wholesome love stories... if you're the right person it will be a tear jerker or a lump in the throat maker:) It's an oldie with Cary Grant in it. I think I can say I'd recommend it:)
A Night with the King-Queen Esther's story brought to the BIG screen. We went and saw it...and enjoyed it. The costumes are beautiful... influenced by India. If's fun cause it's a story about a girl close to my age from a "normal" everyday back ground that is chosen and fallen for by a king. It's a sweet story...and they also talk about God in it. She is a Jewish girl and her upbringing comes out in who she is...a good story:) I'd recommend it.
It's kinda weird cause 2 weeks ago I was in Tropical weather now we're in Autumn...and sometimes it's COLD out there and cold in HERE!
If you want to pray for me pray that I'll have more of a spiritual perspective while subbing... that I can make a difference in some of these kids lives...that I'm not just killing time but I can be an influence...that there is a spiritual dimension to every body and to every job I have...even though I may not love it or like them:)
And pray that I will follow my dream, my goal to study Art/Art Education...and that I'll be guided however God wants to guide me...maybe I won't study Art the way I think I will...one step at a time right?
My plan at this point is to start substitute teaching again, hmmm....
I have a job on Wed. and Fri. Friday I'll be an Art teacher at the "Rhino" school. That's the school's mascot. The ages there are kindergarten to 5th...and the lunches are really wimpy...anyways. I'm looking forward to that:) teaching Art...last time I taught Art I was teaching it at the Refugee camp.
My dream/goal is to study Art/Art Education in college...Where and when and how I don't know:)
I'm probably going to pick up an Oil painting class that happens on Wednesdays! That will be fun! I've never had any training in oil painting cept when I painted a pic and my grandma sat through the whole thing and she'd coach me along. It came out better cause she was there:)
Sometime this week I want to take the Art work the kids did to CFI. Some of the stuff they did was excellent!
I was hit by emotion last night when I was thinking about people I left back in Thailand...plus I had Nat King Cole goin' in the back ground.... it was rough...
This weekend I helped my youth leader and her family move. And so did ALOT of people. Before I left she and some of us prayed that they'd be able to move to B___ (not my town)...before I left when we prayed, it was like it was impossible. When I came back I heard there was a house they were looking at...and then they moved...Guess it wasn't impossible huh:)
It's a sweet house. About 150 years old, a log cabin...there daughter prayed since she was 2 that God would give them a house with a fireplace...they got one... at the house they'll be able to have a dog too. They have ALOT of land! It's such a beautiful area. They are renting, but they were renting before and now they are only like 4 mins. from church instead of 30mins. BIG answer to prayer for their family. Yeah!
Marie's movie reviews:
An Affair to Remember-Don't be mislead by the title, there's nothing adulterous about it:) It's about 2 people engaged to other people and they fall in love with each other instead, oops. It's one of those good wholesome love stories... if you're the right person it will be a tear jerker or a lump in the throat maker:) It's an oldie with Cary Grant in it. I think I can say I'd recommend it:)
A Night with the King-Queen Esther's story brought to the BIG screen. We went and saw it...and enjoyed it. The costumes are beautiful... influenced by India. If's fun cause it's a story about a girl close to my age from a "normal" everyday back ground that is chosen and fallen for by a king. It's a sweet story...and they also talk about God in it. She is a Jewish girl and her upbringing comes out in who she is...a good story:) I'd recommend it.
It's kinda weird cause 2 weeks ago I was in Tropical weather now we're in Autumn...and sometimes it's COLD out there and cold in HERE!
If you want to pray for me pray that I'll have more of a spiritual perspective while subbing... that I can make a difference in some of these kids lives...that I'm not just killing time but I can be an influence...that there is a spiritual dimension to every body and to every job I have...even though I may not love it or like them:)
And pray that I will follow my dream, my goal to study Art/Art Education...and that I'll be guided however God wants to guide me...maybe I won't study Art the way I think I will...one step at a time right?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Back to normal?
I wrote this Oct. 18...enjoy
ahhh, feel kinda yucky. I'm back from Thailand. Got home Monday...had to think about which day I came in a bit. Went to bed Monday night late, 3ish maybe and slept in till 7 the next day. Well 7 pm, without hardly waking up! When I woke up I thought it was morning! For real. Went to bed last night like close to 5 am. Got up when it was still day today like 1:30...I'm improving with my sleep cycle.
It's weird being back. Thailand was my life for 3 months. Those students at the school were my life. It was hard to say goodbye to them. I've cried a number of times since....
Now it's like what's next. It's weird being back in American culture. I came home and the house felt small and it was like we have so many things. The school I was at had like 12 foot ceilings and there wasn't tons of extra stuff there.
The students were like refugees...they don't own alot. I also went to one of the Refugee camps 3 times. They live in bamboo huts. There's almost no furniture, well ok maybe one chair or one table in the differnt families homes. Makes me think, "What is important?" Haven't figured it out yet.
Hmmm....kinda confusing. I felt really good over there alot. Some of the best time of my life. But there were times where it was really hard. Moreso at the beginning. Alot of americans came through which was a huge help and blessing. Otherwise I was the only English as a first (and only language) person at the school.
The school was surrounded by Rice paddies on the edge of Thailand about one mile from Burma. The kids are from the Karen and Karenni nations. They are people that the Burmese milatary has been fighting since WWII. It's an internal civil war that tons of people don't know about. I think alot of the fighting, killing raping, razing of villages happens more in the jungles, away from cities.
Some of the kids lost parents because of this war. A coupla sisters, Moo Nay Paw and P'zaw Paw's parents were killed by the Burmese Milatary. Moo Nay Paw and P'zaw Paw or Andrew and Joy are beautiful young woman. Ahhh, they make me smile as I think of them.
so I have to figure things out to an extent...where do I fit into this life. I want to make my life count and not just stay in one place treading water.
I am dealing with jet lag, new culture, new weather. Thailand is like a tropical climate.... 3 months of humidity and heat...thins the blood. I was shivering at the Ca. airport from the AC. I was COLD....
I like to write alot. I also keep a journal. I have many journals...even one filled up Thailand journal and another that I started over there, volume II.
My brother just called from Tx. He told me to take a walk. He said inactivity weakens the spirit...ok...hmmm....I agree with him I would benefit from a walk:)....
oh I am sluggish today.....adjusting......pray for my adjusting to "normal life." I wonder if eventually I'll just fall back into normalancy...I want to be changed..... I think deep inside I'll have changes.
I do love 31 kids in Thailand. They may not belong to any country but they have a place, in my heart.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
"It's time to say good bye."
This is my last post in Thailand:(... I fly out tomorrow morning, Oct. 13th at like 6:45 am. My flight is 25:07. Twenty-five hours and seven mins. Yikes! I have a lay over in Japan and one in Ca. I leave Thailand on Monday and get to the US on MOnday. I loose a day going back.
Right now I'm at the Dynasty hotel in Bangkok. Day-Day came with me cause I'm bringing with me a BIG bag and a big box for the org. back home. The big bag is very BIG. The height hits a little below my waist. So Day Day needed to be here to help me with that:)
I said good bye to the kids on Friday. It was very hard. Andrew said it's so hard to say good bye because we are made for eternity. Like we were made for relationship and for them to last forever.
It was weird cause some of the kids I'm closet to I didn't cry saying bye to but some I wasn't so close to I did...
When I was saying goodbye to Joy my head was right next to her head my ear right next to heres...she started singing, "It's time to say goodbye...." which made me cry, but it was very special.... It was like she the youth was comforting me the "grown up." It was very special...I know I said that already, but it was. I love her so much. I gave alot of love to these kids but they also gave me alot too.
When were were taking the truck-bus back to Mae Sot after saying good bye.... I cried many times.... While I was sitting there quietly it'd hit me or I'd remember something about one of the children and start to cry. No one could hear me...but if they looked at my face they'd see tears falling down it....It's like a grieving a cutting off to say goodbye. Some of the students asked me if I'm coming back next year.... I just don't know.
My dream would be to study art in college and go back and teach what I learned maybe.... but maybe this was a once in my lifetime season. Someday, some years down the road I'd like to see them again. See them more grown up.
I asked them to write me a letter with a beautiful picture, if they wanted to. I told them I wouldn't read it until I was on the plane or in my country. I might just read them when I'm on the plane. Yeah that might make me cry again...
This time here was some of the best time of my life. I was made for it...for this experience for these relationships. To teach, to impart to these wonderful and beautiful children.
When I said bye to Timothy he said, "bless you" it made us americans laugh, cause in a short video the kids made he was a king with many daughters. At the beginning he blesses each of his daughters and says, "bless you" as he lays his hand on their head. By the way his nick name is now "King."
It's kinda sad cause after I left Mae La camp,I remembered like 3 or 4 kids I didn't say good bye to. hmmm...
I had a chance to spend alot of time with Mindy. A volunteer my age who has taught at hte school for a year. She came back this last week. It was good to "debrief" with her. She speaks english, she's an american! So it was good to "compare notes" and talk about my experiences. She was good cause I did most of the talking.
I realize when I come back to the US, most people there won't fully comprehend my experiences. I believe I'll be doing alot of talking about my time and the kids. I hope I don't bore or annoy any one. :)
They, the 31 Karen and Karenni students, were my life for the last 3 months. I went to the school to teach Art and completed my task. They also became part of my world...they stole pieces of my heart. Part of my heart will be left here....
This experience has been unlike anything I've ever experienced.
I'll write more later.... need to get off. We're getting up I think at like 3:30 am....yikes. If you read this as I'm en route pray for my protection and that I'll sit next to a christian... any one that I need to sit by... that I'll sit by the right people.
Wow! I'm coming home. I feel like crying.... "It's time to say good bye."
Good bye my babies. I love you so much. Ya En Na (I love you in Karen.) Bye...
Right now I'm at the Dynasty hotel in Bangkok. Day-Day came with me cause I'm bringing with me a BIG bag and a big box for the org. back home. The big bag is very BIG. The height hits a little below my waist. So Day Day needed to be here to help me with that:)
I said good bye to the kids on Friday. It was very hard. Andrew said it's so hard to say good bye because we are made for eternity. Like we were made for relationship and for them to last forever.
It was weird cause some of the kids I'm closet to I didn't cry saying bye to but some I wasn't so close to I did...
When I was saying goodbye to Joy my head was right next to her head my ear right next to heres...she started singing, "It's time to say goodbye...." which made me cry, but it was very special.... It was like she the youth was comforting me the "grown up." It was very special...I know I said that already, but it was. I love her so much. I gave alot of love to these kids but they also gave me alot too.
When were were taking the truck-bus back to Mae Sot after saying good bye.... I cried many times.... While I was sitting there quietly it'd hit me or I'd remember something about one of the children and start to cry. No one could hear me...but if they looked at my face they'd see tears falling down it....It's like a grieving a cutting off to say goodbye. Some of the students asked me if I'm coming back next year.... I just don't know.
My dream would be to study art in college and go back and teach what I learned maybe.... but maybe this was a once in my lifetime season. Someday, some years down the road I'd like to see them again. See them more grown up.
I asked them to write me a letter with a beautiful picture, if they wanted to. I told them I wouldn't read it until I was on the plane or in my country. I might just read them when I'm on the plane. Yeah that might make me cry again...
This time here was some of the best time of my life. I was made for it...for this experience for these relationships. To teach, to impart to these wonderful and beautiful children.
When I said bye to Timothy he said, "bless you" it made us americans laugh, cause in a short video the kids made he was a king with many daughters. At the beginning he blesses each of his daughters and says, "bless you" as he lays his hand on their head. By the way his nick name is now "King."
It's kinda sad cause after I left Mae La camp,I remembered like 3 or 4 kids I didn't say good bye to. hmmm...
I had a chance to spend alot of time with Mindy. A volunteer my age who has taught at hte school for a year. She came back this last week. It was good to "debrief" with her. She speaks english, she's an american! So it was good to "compare notes" and talk about my experiences. She was good cause I did most of the talking.
I realize when I come back to the US, most people there won't fully comprehend my experiences. I believe I'll be doing alot of talking about my time and the kids. I hope I don't bore or annoy any one. :)
They, the 31 Karen and Karenni students, were my life for the last 3 months. I went to the school to teach Art and completed my task. They also became part of my world...they stole pieces of my heart. Part of my heart will be left here....
This experience has been unlike anything I've ever experienced.
I'll write more later.... need to get off. We're getting up I think at like 3:30 am....yikes. If you read this as I'm en route pray for my protection and that I'll sit next to a christian... any one that I need to sit by... that I'll sit by the right people.
Wow! I'm coming home. I feel like crying.... "It's time to say good bye."
Good bye my babies. I love you so much. Ya En Na (I love you in Karen.) Bye...
Saturday, September 30, 2006
School is almost over...
Sawadee Ka! From the sunny land of Thailand! It's Saturday morning. I had to go into Burma via Friendship Bridge to get my visa stamped, I believe it's the last time. So it's legal for me to be in Thailand, phew! I than walk back across the bridge and a Thai authority stamps it.
Today is a very sunny day. I put alot of sun block on before riding to Friedship bridge on the little motorcycle. There was a very nice Burmese man who walked with me as I crossed to Burma and as I came back. His name was Win. I'd guess he's in his thirties. Probably my height too. THere was a moment where he wanted to give me his umbrella and he reminded me of Tomnas in Narnia... the fawn guy with the umbrella...Win used his umbrella to block the sun and he also shared it with me. He has a one year old daughter. He said he's looking for a job. We had some good conversation.
One of the last conversations we had I basically told him God sees what happens in Burma and he will use people like me, even though I am so small to make a difference. Also that many people in the US know about Burma...not just the Karen/Karenni problem but also that Burma is so poor.... I felt like I connected with him somehow... maybe he's hungry for God. He was wicked nice:) I told him I'd been here for the last 3 months teaching Karen and Karenni children and some have had parents killed by the Burmese military. (I was in Thailand when I told him this, the safer side:) and also that I believe there are alot of very good Burmese people like him. The military government just has BIG problems.
Well, Friday was my last official day to teach ART at the school. The kids go back to one of the camps on the 9th or the 11th.... we'll know when it actually happens. They go back for 3 weeks. My plan is to also go to the camp and teach ART at the orphanage. Ben and Andrew will be going in too to follow the kids...they've been doing a documentary on the life of a Karen student. As Americans we won't be able to spend the night at the camp but during the day we can be there.
I've been to this camp only one time. The kids are glad that I'll be teaching ART at the orphanage. I think kids live there sometimes even if they aren't orphans. The students from other camps will stay at this one camp because the distance to the other camps.
My church sent money over to buy the students special sport shoes. So the girls got sneakers and the guys got soccer cleats. They have never had shoes like these shoes. The kids really like them. Thank you Emmaus...and the students Thank you! Awesome gift! Many have already used them! I've taken pictures and will take more! We were able to get shoes for the girls that were less than the budgetted money so we also got flip-flops for all the students, shorts and cheap necklaces for the girls. We got each student 2 or 3 pairs of socks too.
Boy I'm tired. It's been one of those times recently where I've had less energy than usual and too I've been out in the hot driving the motorcycle....so when I get back to the school if the kids aren't banging on the drums I think I might take a nap:)
I called my parents today... when I was on the phone with them three of the girls came in at differnt times. I had each talk to my parents. My dad asked each of them to sing a song, and they did! "Amy", Silver Paw, was nervous talking to them. Joy wanted to talk to my mom. I had her talk to my mom one other time and since then she keeps talking about her:) So she got to talk to my mom again. And She wants to talk to her again! One time on the phone cause she didn't know what to say or something she stuck her tongue out. She and Amy were especially cute while they talked to my parents... and Joy got to talk to Adam too. Htee Ku was pretty poised as she chatted with my mom and dad and Adam was listening in:)
I'm here at an internet cafe in Mae Sot. And the two guys running it, like early 20's have their shirts off. What's with the guys in Thailand taking off their shirts! Thanks to all the American Christian guys I know who keep their shirts on;) for real. I appreiciate it:)
Talk to ya later....:)
Also Ebenezer, Hser Wah and Hser Gay, the staff that care and teach the students got new sneakers. They play sports with the kids on the new sports field. Ebenezer is 27, Hser Wah 22, Hser Gay is 21. They like em too:) That's so cool that the kids and staff got some really nice new sneakers!
Today is a very sunny day. I put alot of sun block on before riding to Friedship bridge on the little motorcycle. There was a very nice Burmese man who walked with me as I crossed to Burma and as I came back. His name was Win. I'd guess he's in his thirties. Probably my height too. THere was a moment where he wanted to give me his umbrella and he reminded me of Tomnas in Narnia... the fawn guy with the umbrella...Win used his umbrella to block the sun and he also shared it with me. He has a one year old daughter. He said he's looking for a job. We had some good conversation.
One of the last conversations we had I basically told him God sees what happens in Burma and he will use people like me, even though I am so small to make a difference. Also that many people in the US know about Burma...not just the Karen/Karenni problem but also that Burma is so poor.... I felt like I connected with him somehow... maybe he's hungry for God. He was wicked nice:) I told him I'd been here for the last 3 months teaching Karen and Karenni children and some have had parents killed by the Burmese military. (I was in Thailand when I told him this, the safer side:) and also that I believe there are alot of very good Burmese people like him. The military government just has BIG problems.
Well, Friday was my last official day to teach ART at the school. The kids go back to one of the camps on the 9th or the 11th.... we'll know when it actually happens. They go back for 3 weeks. My plan is to also go to the camp and teach ART at the orphanage. Ben and Andrew will be going in too to follow the kids...they've been doing a documentary on the life of a Karen student. As Americans we won't be able to spend the night at the camp but during the day we can be there.
I've been to this camp only one time. The kids are glad that I'll be teaching ART at the orphanage. I think kids live there sometimes even if they aren't orphans. The students from other camps will stay at this one camp because the distance to the other camps.
My church sent money over to buy the students special sport shoes. So the girls got sneakers and the guys got soccer cleats. They have never had shoes like these shoes. The kids really like them. Thank you Emmaus...and the students Thank you! Awesome gift! Many have already used them! I've taken pictures and will take more! We were able to get shoes for the girls that were less than the budgetted money so we also got flip-flops for all the students, shorts and cheap necklaces for the girls. We got each student 2 or 3 pairs of socks too.
Boy I'm tired. It's been one of those times recently where I've had less energy than usual and too I've been out in the hot driving the motorcycle....so when I get back to the school if the kids aren't banging on the drums I think I might take a nap:)
I called my parents today... when I was on the phone with them three of the girls came in at differnt times. I had each talk to my parents. My dad asked each of them to sing a song, and they did! "Amy", Silver Paw, was nervous talking to them. Joy wanted to talk to my mom. I had her talk to my mom one other time and since then she keeps talking about her:) So she got to talk to my mom again. And She wants to talk to her again! One time on the phone cause she didn't know what to say or something she stuck her tongue out. She and Amy were especially cute while they talked to my parents... and Joy got to talk to Adam too. Htee Ku was pretty poised as she chatted with my mom and dad and Adam was listening in:)
I'm here at an internet cafe in Mae Sot. And the two guys running it, like early 20's have their shirts off. What's with the guys in Thailand taking off their shirts! Thanks to all the American Christian guys I know who keep their shirts on;) for real. I appreiciate it:)
Talk to ya later....:)
Also Ebenezer, Hser Wah and Hser Gay, the staff that care and teach the students got new sneakers. They play sports with the kids on the new sports field. Ebenezer is 27, Hser Wah 22, Hser Gay is 21. They like em too:) That's so cool that the kids and staff got some really nice new sneakers!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Safe and Sound...update on the military coup
I am safe and sound. Yes there is a military coup that took place last night in Bangkok, Thailand. The military is in control because they do not like the Prime Minister, Thaksin. The military are "better" than Thaksin. Many Thais do not like the PM, if I'm not mistaken there's been corruption surronding his re-election etc., I think even some dealings with Burma that haven't been very good either. Check him out on the web.
So last night like at 1:20 am I was awakened from my peaceful slumber to my ringing cell phone. I slipped out of bed looked at the number on the phone and thought maybe one of the students parents or something were calling. It was Andrew and Ben's mother. She'd just seen on the news that a military coup had taken over power in Thailand that there were tanks in Bangkok and that Americans would be moved out of the country... boy was that a crazy call to get in the middle of the night... I was disoriented some too....ahhhh!
so I went downstairs and woke the boys up and let Andrew talk to his mother. My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking.... I was scared also scared for the kids... after talking with his mom we prayed... we tried to watch some news but all the stations 'cept the Kings channels have been shut down. I was imagining the worst...
Almost all that she said was true....
There was a military coup that took over the government while Thaksin, the PM was in NY actually at the UN-UN meeting... they had tanks in Bangkok, they the military are supportive of the King, which is good, they don't like Thaksin... it was a non violent take over of power.
I talked to one of the key staff over here this morning. She is a Christian Thai and said that she's been praying for this. That Thaksin would be removed from power. This is a good thing. I am safe over here. I believe the militaries plan is to get someone else as PM and give the control back to the government in Nov. around the elections. The person acting as the PM is a military guy. I believe named to head of state right now is the King. Which sounds good to me.
I even asked her sister if it'd be safe to go to a gas station to get a news paper... she said it was. I"m in town right now checking out the internet getting NEWS! I was like I want news! May try to find a newspaper but I already looked at articles on the web. If you want to know more check out the Washington POst newspaper, the US Embassy in Thailand had an update also about the situation. They are telling americans to keep an eye on the events but they are not telling us to leave.
So today all Thai schools are shut down, our school isn't having "school" but the kids are studying all day. The banks are closed too and alot of shops.
So last night I didn't need to be afraid it's safe over here and it's a pretty good thing actually that happened. I called Tad S__ last night and actually didn't wake him up, he was watching the news. He was not concerned. He is a Christian Pastor working over here. That helped me feel better:)
Just pray that God WILL be in control. That the right thing will happen and no freak thing will happen. Pray for our safety and that the military will give back the control.
I'm safe and sound and my authorities over here aren't concerned. So do not worry.:)
So last night like at 1:20 am I was awakened from my peaceful slumber to my ringing cell phone. I slipped out of bed looked at the number on the phone and thought maybe one of the students parents or something were calling. It was Andrew and Ben's mother. She'd just seen on the news that a military coup had taken over power in Thailand that there were tanks in Bangkok and that Americans would be moved out of the country... boy was that a crazy call to get in the middle of the night... I was disoriented some too....ahhhh!
so I went downstairs and woke the boys up and let Andrew talk to his mother. My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking.... I was scared also scared for the kids... after talking with his mom we prayed... we tried to watch some news but all the stations 'cept the Kings channels have been shut down. I was imagining the worst...
Almost all that she said was true....
There was a military coup that took over the government while Thaksin, the PM was in NY actually at the UN-UN meeting... they had tanks in Bangkok, they the military are supportive of the King, which is good, they don't like Thaksin... it was a non violent take over of power.
I talked to one of the key staff over here this morning. She is a Christian Thai and said that she's been praying for this. That Thaksin would be removed from power. This is a good thing. I am safe over here. I believe the militaries plan is to get someone else as PM and give the control back to the government in Nov. around the elections. The person acting as the PM is a military guy. I believe named to head of state right now is the King. Which sounds good to me.
I even asked her sister if it'd be safe to go to a gas station to get a news paper... she said it was. I"m in town right now checking out the internet getting NEWS! I was like I want news! May try to find a newspaper but I already looked at articles on the web. If you want to know more check out the Washington POst newspaper, the US Embassy in Thailand had an update also about the situation. They are telling americans to keep an eye on the events but they are not telling us to leave.
So today all Thai schools are shut down, our school isn't having "school" but the kids are studying all day. The banks are closed too and alot of shops.
So last night I didn't need to be afraid it's safe over here and it's a pretty good thing actually that happened. I called Tad S__ last night and actually didn't wake him up, he was watching the news. He was not concerned. He is a Christian Pastor working over here. That helped me feel better:)
Just pray that God WILL be in control. That the right thing will happen and no freak thing will happen. Pray for our safety and that the military will give back the control.
I'm safe and sound and my authorities over here aren't concerned. So do not worry.:)
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